Embracing Your ALPHA

Today I was cleaning & stumbled upon 👆🏻: my bib from my first marathon that I ran 14 years ago this month.
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It was the race that started it all. I soon moved to SF from NYC & began a long stint competing & coaching while also working my grueling day job in finance.
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What struck me today though wasn’t the glory & race times & PRs that came after, but the feeling of signing up for something I thought was impossible.
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It was the scariest thing I had ever done & the easiest choice I ever made.
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Here’s the thing- I’m not someone who will ever win a race or be top of my age group.
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In fact, I’m regularly one of the last to finish: speed+ me just don’t coexist no matter how fit I am. It took me a long time to accept the strengths of my body & truths- but that acceptance was 🔑to keep moving forward.
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Do I want to be the fastest? At times yes.
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But it is from racing that I learned that the real 🔑to success is in honoring who I AM, not who I think I should be.
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This has also been key to my most recent evolution {bc we are ALWAYS evolving}. 
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What I wish I was? A woman who fits in, is BFF with everyone, is ‘one of the girls’. And oh Lord has that wish landed me in a lot of trouble over the years by holding back, not speaking up, over giving & having terrible boundaries for far too long.
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The Truth I was hiding from? That I am an Alpha woman🔥When I had this epiphany it felt much like the moment I signed up for this race:
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A simultaneous ‘Oh my God this is IT’ and ‘Oh shit, this means I really need to Show Up & OWN IT’
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Some of the muck I had to clean up- with my body, relationships, food, alcohol- often felt like the grueling long runs training for a marathon.
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Days where I wanted to give up, stay quiet or battle back- but stood in my power instead. 
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And an amazing thing happened- the more I began to love & accept this is who I AM, the more I found other women like me- strong, confident, no bullshit, no drama & Fierce- real fierce, not play Fierce 😉
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Part of my mission now is to help women embrace your Alpha- even if you don’t believe she’s in there🔥
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Fair ⚠️ Once you do, everything in your life WILL change- for the better❤️


When did this become Normal?

Today I found myself telling a story to a friend that I’ve told a million times. It began as an innocent answer about a hotel in Vegas & ended with finally feeling a sense of peace- & quite an aha- about a ‘thing’ that happened on a work trip when I was in finance years ago.
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If you know me personally, you know the story & I’m always happy to tell it when asked. While I won’t air it on social media, the basic gist is that all those stories you’ve heard about finance & strip clubs & bosses hiring women based on looks & drinking and and and.... oh woman are those stories true. I could fill a night full of them.
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But this one was different- I had never before been hit on by a boss. I was lucky in a sense- I said no at the first big move & was respected... but was fired a week later for- I kid you not- performance issues. I went onto another job- at a massive pay cut- but it was in that moment that I knew my career, my ambition, my success would utterly be changed forever.
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It was when I first sought out therapy. It was when I first questioned many things in my life.
And it was when I began to silently doubt my worth- not in I’m not enough, but in feeling a Danger in being Too Much {<MASSIVE AHA🔥}
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What struck me today is that no matter who you believe or what your thoughts are or what is the truth, is just how ‘normal’ certain things have become. And how many of us have found our ways to deal, to cope, to live our lives in spite of what’s happened.
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I know my way has always been to find my strength in the situation, to reclaim my power back. But even with that-
At times I still feel the pain. 
At times I still believe the words said to me when I was fired about not being good enough. 
At times I realize I energetically put a cap on myself to never again make as much 💵 as I made in that job {which I’ve come close- within dollars close- but still address daily}.
And I know I’m not alone.
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I have so much more to say but for today what feels important is this: ⚔️Check on your strong friends. Check on the women you feel might be struggling today. 
Check on those you just feel like you need to.
And care for you- always 🖤



Jennifer BlackstockComment