The Rise of the Feminine and the Calydon Boar

Hello Warrior,

I always believe that from our darkest moments come our greatest opportunities. This article is a Call to a higher level perspective of recent happenings in our world- an eagle eye view- out of reactionary states and into deep Truth & grounded embodiment for sustainable action.

Often lasting change comes only after the Dark Night of the Soul- the Great Mystery that envelops us all- and I pray that we have turned the tide now out of the Dark Night and into the Ascension.

What's left me breathless in recent weeks is the building of awareness of the power that is possible when we allow the Divine Feminine to take her seat on the throne next to the Masculine.

Not over, not above. Next to and equal.

It's an energy that has been rising for years now in small communities and secret trainings. I marvel at the fact that even just two short years ago when I was teaching my Alchemy Rising program, this rising of the Feminine was still a 'fringe' concept.

Now we have movies like Wonder Woman inspiring many to embrace your inner warrior and take up the sword to fight for what you believe in. Books and articles and podcasts. It's inspired many women to start businesses, make radical choices, or become activists on social issues that previously would have been ignored or silently supported.

It's empowered women into massive action in business, family, professional life, body, health- and so much more.

It's breathtaking. It's beautiful. It's jaw-droppingly awesome.

And I fear- it's gone too far into some of the shadow aspects of what the Fierce Feminine brings to the table

These shadow aspects that are arising also need to be faced, integrated and loved, in order for the REAL Rise of the Feminine into True Sovereignty to take place. 

One of my gifts- that I long took as a curse- is an oracular ability to see straight into the heart of the matter without an emotional attachment. What I see can sometimes be raw, dark and uncomfortably confronting- and yet I somehow have the ability to see all sides of the situation clearly, even when I am shocked or have an opinion.

When I read the news, watch trends, or notice patterns in places like the economy or social media, I often don't get fired up or reactionary like many people do {Things in my personal life? Well that's a whole other story of learning to choose my battles wisely. But that's a story for another day}.

Which may look to the outside world like not speaking up, but is actually something else altogether.

Instead, I have an eerie ability to zoom out and see the long game- which is why many have called me an Oracle over the years- a modern day Priestess of Delphi if you will. Yes- I have had past-life visions there and when I visited Delphi at 20 years old, my world literally SHOOK in knowing. Which I promptly tried to run and numb from, until it was time to own it.

On that note- let's get started by first going back a few thousand years, shall we?

I'm going to make this quick, as literally books upon books have been and will be written about this. But long story short, most cultures up until about 2000 years ago revered the feminine, the Great Mother, the goddess. She was the primary go-to for everything from fertility to death, and honoring her was a part of everyday life for men, women and children. Women were the primary healers based on ancient earth remedies and body wisdom- and were respected for their gifts. 

Oracles such as the one at Delphi were THE resource for kings, queens, and citizens to consult before any major decision or in the face of difficult situations. Pilgrimages to see her were regular, and festivals dedicated to the mysteries of the goddess- such as at Eleusis- were required at least once in a lifetime. 

But then, the spread of the Roman Empire and the rise of Christianity began to slowly put out the flame of the Feminine Spiritual Authority. I don't blame Christianity or cry foul of the Patriarchy as many do.

Zoom out for a moment and realize that in many ways, as the world population grew and for the first time in history, one unifying force was attempting to govern all of the local tribes, thousands of customs were quite simply- a problem. Not a problem in a sense of what they actually were or represented, but simply in the fact that they were all different.

Because different equaled hard to govern. And therein was the core of how the Patriarchy began to rise in power. 

A note: I use the word Patriarchy here, but I must admit that it is a word I despise. Because it creates separation. Because the emotional charge that comes with it tries to erase all of the abundance and advances that also came within this period of history.

But mostly because the vengeance with which many women use it tries to lay blame on the Masculine. And where there is blame & shame, there are undercurrents of victimhood. And that my loves, I am NOT a stand for.

Does it excuse the extinguishing and in most cases annihilation of the Divine Feminine? Absolutely not. Terrible, horrible, inhuman things happened in this quest- and women have every right to be absolutely pissed about how things went down.

So fast forward to today- the rapid increase of opportunities for women, the fairly recent ending of slavery in most of the world, the rise of social activism- they are all relatively new concepts. 

The Feminine is rising alright- and it is a fast ascent.

I envision it as women growing their wings- nay realizing they've had them all along- and taking flight. So of course it's to be expected that some turbulence would be encountered along the way.

We're adjusting to a new way of being in our power- in what is really the blink of an eye in our collective history.

And yes- the collective Feminine is pissed at how she has been treated for the past several thousand years.

BUT SHE ALSO KNOWS WITH AN EAGLE-EYE VIEW THAT THE VIOLENCE AND DARKNESS HAVE BEEN ESSENTIAL TO THE GREATER QUEST OF UNION AND SOVEREIGNTY. 

For those of you who have been exploring the many faces of the Fierce Feminine, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about- this isn't your soft and peaceful spirituality or goddess sitting on a mountain handing you flowers kind of stuff.

Oh no- this is a goddess who means business.

THIS ANGER IS RAW. THIS PASSION IS EDGY. THIS FIERCENESS IS BLOOD DRIPPING FROM THE MOUTH OF KALI AND ARTEMIS'S BOW & ARROW AIMED STRAIGHT AT THE HEART OF WHAT HAS BEEN REPRESSED, DEPRESSED, AND SUPPRESSED FOR SO MANY, FOR SO LONG.

Whether or not you choose to believe in Her, the Divine Feminine- She's here like whether we like it or not.

We as women are being called to fiercely embody Her, and I believe men are being called to fully see Her.

As I watch in my circles it's like popcorn popping as woman after woman wakes up to this Call.

Like I said- it's breathtaking. Women waking up to their beauty. Opening their hearts. Feeling the softness AND fierceness of who they really are. 

BUT IT'S BECOME VERY CLEAR TO ME THAT IF WE ARE GOING TO TAKE UP ARMS TO STEP FULLY INTO THE SOVEREIGNTY OF THE DIVINE FEMININE, THEN WE HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO TO ALSO INTEGRATE ALL OF HER.

THE SHADOW SIDE, THE FIERCE RAWNESS, THE WARRIOR WHO ALSO COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.


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Back to present day- a country reeling from a massive wound exposed and a leader not taking a firm stand.

All of the anger, all of the shadows, all of the not-so-pretty places hidden in the folds of the lovely goddess dresses and flower crowns came tumbling out.

Like the insides of an animal struck down by a hunter.

LIKE THE RISE- AND FALL- OF THE CALYDON BOAR.

If you know anything of Greek Mythology, you have heard of the goddess Artemis.

Artemis is the original badass. At one with nature and all of her being, a fierce hunter with the deadly aim of her bow & arrow, a force of raw feminine POWER.

I could go on for days about the virtues of this incredible goddess. What's important to know here is that Artemis is the divine representation of Sovereignty.

BY STANDING IN HER TRUE POWER, SHE HOLDS ALL OF CREATION TOGETHER IN HARMONY AND UNION.

It's that harmony that gives us our natural cycles- from a woman's menstrual cycle, to the food chain, to the seasons, to the birth-death-rebirth cycle, to cultures, states and nations co-existing.

If I had to name the Divine Feminine authority who is tied to what is arising in our nation- and world- right now, Artemis would be Her.

But here's the thing- for every archetype there is a shadow side, and well- goddesses are known to often feel emotions just like ours such as anger, rage and jealousy. 

You don't mess with a Fierce Feminine goddess, and if you do, there will be consequences to face.

There is a well-known myth about one such time when Artemis felt slighted by a King.

The King of the forest kingdom of Calydon held a celebration. All of the country was involved, and honors were made to many gods and goddesses.

Except Artemis. 

In her feelings of being rejected and not properly honored, Artemis unleashed the wild Calydon Boar to terrorize the kingdom in retribution.

But this boar was no ordinary boar- it ravished the villages and killed many in it's path of destruction.

IT WAS LIKE THE KINGDOM WAS EATING ITSELF ALIVE THROUGH THE MOUTH OF A BOAR WHO WISHED TO DESTROY EVERYTHING IN IT'S PATH.

Heros and would-be heros from across the ancient world descended on the kingdom to be the one to take down the boar and save the land. It was a job for only the greatest of men- or so you would believe.

Until a woman showed up- Atalanta. Atalanta had grown up in the forest and if ever there was a human embodiment of Artemis, she would be the one. Atalanta was in love with the King's son- a secret romance happening under the cover of the trees. A union of equals. Their relationship had formed in the forest, and their love was a true merging of the Masculine and Feminine.

But when Atalanta joined the party to go kill the boar, the heros and would-be heros were none-too-pleased. But join them she did with her lover- the privileged son of the King who felt more at home in the forest than in the castle.

And you can probably guess what happened next. It was the arrow from Atalanta's bow that struck the wild boar in-between the eyes, and it was the strike of her lover's sword across the boar's neck that dealt the final deathblow.

They achieved the seemingly impossible. 

Together. 

There are many pieces of this story to unpack, but for the purposes of this article I want to focus in on three:

1. THE BOAR:

Take a look at what is happening in the United States and the world at large today. From the eagle-eye view, it's clear that certain paths of destruction are running rampant across many plains: environmentally, socially, culturally, politically, economically. In some cases the clearing from the destruction is opening up whole new fields of opportunity, such as the drastic increase in female entrepreneurship arising from our most recent recession. 

But in most cases, the destruction is festering- and feeding on itself. Protests becoming violent as people who are likely neighbors clash in their ideals- and are now becoming deadly. Law-enforcement killing those they are sworn to protect. Companies battling it out and fighting nature. Nations sanctioning each other. 

If I was just arriving on planet earth today, in the midst of so much beauty and abundance there appears to be something eating away at the heart of what makes humanity so great.

A modern Calydon Boar, eating away at the core of who we are as a human race. Releasing our shadows to be seen and dealt with in each bite taken. 

And so the Calydon Boar is not an actual boar at all that must be slayed, but rather is the internal force of reckoning that has the potential to destroy- but also the potential to create anew from that destruction.

2. A WOMAN FACING AND STANDING UP TO HER INNER SHADOWS:

It takes some fierce courage for a woman to stand up to a wild boar that is consuming the land. 

And it takes even more fierce courage for a woman to face all of her shadows, all of those things which are standing in her way, all of her resistance, to be able to take that stand. 

THE STAND AGAINST THE BOAR AND THE AIM OF HER ARROW IS NOT WHAT IS IMPRESSIVE. 

IT'S THE STAND IN THE FACE OF HER OWN INNER SHADOWS THAT WINS THE PRIZE FOR BEING THE MOST COURAGEOUS ACT A WOMAN CAN TAKE. 

As Jean Shinoda Bolan, M.D. says in her incredible book Artemis: The Indomitable Spirit in Everywoman:

"It takes courage to confront the inner boar, for doing so means that a woman must confront her own destructiveness directly. To do so, she has to see- better yet, feel- how much damage she has done to herself and others by trampling on their feelings, or on what they have been tending that she did not value. She needs to feel remorse for the contempt and judgement she unleashed on others in the past, and realize that only she can stop it. With this intention and determination, she can rein in those feelings. Whether in a family matter or global one, to become an avenging goddess is a bad thing for a woman and those around her- who are, after all, not all bad, as she tends to feel once she gets worked up.... Confronting the inner boar can become a lesson in humility" [Emphasis added by me]

This right here is exactly the process I myself have been in the past few weeks and really the past 9 months. Looking hard at what role I have played in what is happening in my communities and greater society at large. Taking personal responsibility. Deciding how to move forward and what stand I wish to take. And so much more.

Here we are at what I feel is the critical juncture of the Rise of the Feminine. Up until now, it's been easy to blame the Patriarchy. To have the battle cry of RISING UP be the fuel to the fire not just in the past few decades in our country, but the past 2,000 years in our world.

I'm aware that this might piss some women off. That it might speak to my priviledge of having the freedom to do this inquiry work in the first place. And I absolutely agree. 

I have always believed that if one is blessed with privilege, then there is a Divine Responsibility to work with what you have and use that privilege for good- in a way that feels in alignment for YOU. We can't force it- it must come from the heart, or it will never work in the long-run.

I will not lower myself down to make others more comfortable, but rather I will hold the sword high so others may have the courage to meet me here- so we can then Rise even higher together.

AN EMPOWERED WOMAN EMPOWERS.

AN ECONOMICALLY EMPOWERED WOMAN CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS.

AND A SOCIETY OF ECONOMICALLY EMPOWERED WOMEN- WHO BELIEVE IT IS POSSIBLE TO PARTNER WITH THE MASCULINE AS TRUE EQUALS- HAS THE POTENTIAL TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

AND SLAY THE CALYDON BOAR ONCE AND FOR ALL.

If marching does not feel right for you, find another way to speak up.

If speaking up on social media feels incongruent for you, then have private conversations to effect change.

If going to a protest gets you fired up with passion, then go. Speak. Believe. 

If starting a nonprofit, joining a group, expanding your platform are what feel in alignment, then go for it with all of your heart.

And a million other options. What works for one will not work for another, and so we all need to find our way, and do so with grace.

BUT FIRST- love- please stand down your shadows and then move forward.

BECAUSE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T?

THEN THE BOAR WILL COME TUMBLING THROUGH ONCE AGAIN TO BE FACED.

Women will attack other women, men attacking other men, and so on- demanding they speak up and then tearing them down if their opinion differs. Bullying. Shaming. Attacking behind computer screens and avenging in the name of... well in the name of a number of things.

What I've witnessed the past few weeks, is exactly that. But what makes me even more fired up is that this has been happening for years in our communities and our counrty- and it is time for it to stop.

There have been a few voices rise up that brilliantly cut through the noise like a knife straight to the heart of the matter.

But there have been many voices that are simply brandishing the sword haphazardly in the name of justice in places where what they see does not fit exactly what they wish to see.

The point of embodying the Fierce Feminine, the Inner Warrior, is not to cut others down {I've learned this the hard way over the years}, but rather to cut down all the ways you resist who you are, all the metaphorical things that stand in your way, all the internal boars that are tearing you apart- and having the courage to stand tall with all of the pieces put together.

And so this Calydon Boar that's unleashed itself- it means business until we have the courage to look inside and stop it.

3. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY THIRD AND FINAL POINT: THE POWER OF THE MASCULINE AND FEMININE RISING TOGETHER

How the boar is finally stopped brings chills to my spine every time I think of it. A couple who was so in sync with each other, so utterly equals, that finally were able to stop the chaos of the boar.

Stop and think about it.

The King's son- the archetypal figurehead of the rise of the patriarchy- was only able to save his kingdom with the help of the Feminine. And not just any Feminine- a Fierce Feminine woman who embodies her own sovereignty, her own domain over her own life. Not a damsel in distress or a goddess who rules the home, but a raw, strong, courageous woman who owns who she is- even in a group of legendary heros.

If that's not the Fierce Feminine, I don't know what is.

WHAT MADE THIS POSSIBLE FOR HER WAS NOT THAT SHE WAS OUT TO AVENGE OR TEAR DOWN, BUT RATHER SHE WAS CLEAR IN WHAT NEEDED TO HAPPEN, SHE HAD FACED ALL OF HER INNER RESISTANCE BEFORE SHE STEPPED FOOT ON THAT QUEST TO FIND THE BOAR, AND SHE INVITED THE MASCULINE TO PARTNER WITH HER, INSTEAD OF TRYING TO RISE ABOVE HIM.

AND SHE DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW ANYONE ELSE WAS DOING IT, BUT RATHER FOCUSED ALL OF HER ENERGY ON HER OWN MISSION AT HAND.

As many myths go, there was not a happy ending to this particular story. The prince's uncles did not like that a woman accomplished what they could not, and tragic ends resulted for both them and the prince.

But the lessons for us today are no less potent. 

Yes- the Rise of the Feminine is here. I have been saying this in my circles for years now. And the higher we rise, the even more we must continue to rise to meet the occasion.

Fight anger by facing your own anger within first.

Instead of resisting, clear your own resistance to truly soar.

Find your voice- and ignore how anyone else believes you need to use it. 

As the Feminine rises, we are each finding our own way in how we are being called to stand up.

We are each meeting our own personal Calydon Boar as well as the collective one.

We are each being Called to stand WITH the Masculine.

Not above. Not below. 

WITH. 

And that is the TRUE Rise of the Feminine. 

My Reckoning With Motherhood
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“When are you two going to start trying {wink}?”

“Do you want children?”

“You would make such a great mother, are you actively trying yet?”

And a million other versions of this question are what I have endured on a regular basis over the past five years. 

My answer is always the same- 

No. 

When I am met with blank stares or the masked judgement across the table, I then add a conciliatory- “But we’re open to it if that’s what happens by grace” 

Then I always have to take a moment to catch my breath, calm the anxiety, and try to steer the conversation in another direction- and fast. 

Not because I’ve struggled with infertility. 

Not because I’ve ever been pregnant that ended in loss or some other tragic result. 

Not because- well any number of things that might justify why a woman would not want to discuss the topic.

Over the years, I’ve come to realize that my answer of a clear choice of No is not the socially acceptable answer, and at times even this fierce warrior woman does not want to go to battle.

Because it’s the one battle, the one conversation, that I feel like I can never win. Those who agree with me or have made similar choices for their own life never ask. But those who don’t get it, always do.

I can’t even count how many times I’ve had to endure the requisite responses of:

But you would make an Amazing mother! or

Oh I didn’t want children either and then everything changed once he/she came along! or

Wait until you turn 37, your tune will definitely change once that biological clock starts ticking! or

{my favorite/ not so favorite} You are so smart and beautiful, you would be robbing the world if you didn’t have children!

And so I smile and nod, and feel the pain in my metaphorical Achilles Heel- the tender spot of my deepest longing of being fully SEEN. Where I question if what someone else sees is what I can’t see myself, or if the person in front of me can’t see me at all. 

When this conversation strikes that tenderest of tender places, I spiral in the longing of wanting to belong that is at the heart of my Achilles Heel, and the smallest of seeds of doubt creep in.  

For a long time, I consistently told myself that someday, I would sit down and get to the heart of what is- truly- True for me on this question of motherhood. 

The problem with putting things off for someday, is that eventually, someday becomes TODAY and you need to turn and not only face, but walk right into, the center of the battle field hidden deep in your own heart.

So as it’s written in tales, this winter someday became today- and thrust me into what I now refer to as my Worthiness Revolution.

It began innocently enough, once upon a time:

Our wedding day. Family and friends gathered from around the country to celebrate our union. 

There was love in spades and vulnerability was running high as we crossed the threshold into a new stage of life- it truly felt like the best day of my life. But in the midst of the celebration, there was a witchy ritual done in our name after I explicitly said No to it (more on this violation another day), followed by a lie told by one guest in particular to my husband about my 'secret' desire to have a family- which cast a shimmer of a doubt that maybe- just maybe- our solid plan of no children was not so solid after all. 

At first the Revolution was a tiny flame- anger at the lie & boundary violation required some major clearing & boundary work to move on. I knew my Truth, and I was standing clear in it. 

Or so I thought. 

Until I began to receive daily messages from my intuition that I needed to sell my sporty truck and get a larger one. I had no idea why, but I’ve learned to trust the messages when they come- even if they make absolutely zero sense. 

The tiny flame then became a wild fire at a car dealership- of all places- after a test drive of a huge, used Land Rover- a ‘mom car’ if you will. In the office of a young slick salesman, my husband’s face became red, he ushered me out the door to the closest bar, and proceeded to tell me over a beer that I had to go deep in my heart and TRULY decide once and for all what I wanted.

The comments at the wedding had sparked a flame of initiation in him as well, and seeing me behind the wheel of a car I could possibly drive a family in led him to come undone.

So for a few months, I put on the hat of ‘MOM’ to embody what it would be like to step into the role as close as I could, without actually going there. 

A few weeks later I traded in my sporty Wrangler and bought a big SUV with DVD players in the back seat and enough room for well- a small army. 

I told friends we were trying to conceive- though in truth every time I ovulated I came up with every excuse in the book not to actually try.

I spent more time with the kids at my riding school and asked friends with little ones if I could hang out to see how it felt- but I was always relieved when it was time to come back to my quiet home.

When I started to take prenatal vitamins my body rebelled. Nightmares and nausea. Even my hormones came along for the ride- experiencing wild mood swings, gaining 15 pounds, breaking out like a teenage girl again.

I began envisioning what I would do with my business if I got pregnant, what relationship I would want with my work once a child arrived, how I could work the finances. 

When I make a commitment to explore something, I go all in- mind, soul and body. And this was no exception. 

But then, I began to have a glass or three of wine every night because- well- I just couldn’t handle all of the emotions that were throwing themselves at my feet everyday as I tried to embody what felt like an alien concept to me.

In the midst of this exploration, a new president was sworn in and questions over health care became a big concern- notably the possibility of losing maternity coverage under the new administration within the year. 

Which added fuel to the fire of- if you are going to do it, do it NOW. 

And so, it was a long winter of processing every emotion under the sun that came with all of the options:

Being a No.

Being a Yes.

Being a No and knowing it’s a possibility I still might get pregnant.

Being a Yes and knowing it’s a possibility I still might not get pregnant.

I tried each one on for size. And kept arriving at the same conclusion:

That my answer is a clear No.

So nothing had changed. Yet everything changed because in that claiming of my No, I came face-to-face with emotions I truthfully had never experienced before: guilt, shame, and the most surprising one of all- a lack of worthiness.

GUILT OVER HAVING THE PRIVILEGE TO CHOOSE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

SHAME FOR WANTING WHAT IS NOT THE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE PATH.

GUILT AT BEING FERTILE AND NOT BRINGING FORTH LIFE.

SHAME FOR NOT WANTING WHAT SO MANY WOMEN I KNOW- FAMILY, FRIENDS & PEERS- ARE DESPERATELY CRAVING FOR THEMSELVES BUT CAN'T FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS.

And then the mama of them all arose- a force I did not feel prepared to face. A force that felt far from logical and instead was utterly primal. The question of:

Am I still worthy as a woman if I do not have children? 

Especially if it is my choice to not have them?

I’m not ashamed to say that as an alpha Leo woman, questions around my worthiness have not really been a ‘thing’ for me.

If anything, I’ve been accused in the past of believing in my worth a little too much

So when this question arose in the midst of a massive storm this winter- as the roads were flooding and trees blowing down all around our home- I felt like I was drowning.

I wish I could say it lasted only that night as the storm raged, but instead it lasted close to 6 months. Every time I came up for air and felt like I got a handle on the situation, I would be yanked back down into the heat of the flames and the strength of the tide to face yet another level of questioning my worthiness.

It felt like I was living the myth of Persephone being taken to the underworld by Hades over and over again, with a healthy dose of the Caledonian Boar of Artemis legend sprinkled in to throw my inner world into turmoil.

And it's a strange thing- to be living out some of the darker myths of the fierce feminine and still be trying to show up in the real world as a bright and radiant being. Most days I could pull it off, but the night time was where I faced most of these shadows.

For a little while I shared the process I was in with friends and loved ones. But often I was met again with everyone’s opinions on what they could ‘see’ for me, but I often felt like I was being inundated with projections instead of truly being seen.

Or I tried to speak with women who have made the same choice and found most of them simply didn't wish to discuss it- mostly because they had experienced similar battles on this topic like I had and learned to shut these conversations down fast.

One 70 year-old woman who chose not to have children {and who lives an extraordinary & active life} gave me the advise to shut up- that only I could answer the question deep in my own heart.

So I stopped.

And I crawled into my cave- which felt more like a womb- and faced every shadow and core wound that catapulted me straight into my mother wound. The wound that has quietly been running the show all along without me being aware of it. 

THE WOUND THAT TOLD ME I WASN’T WORTHY.

THE WOUND THAT TOLD ME I WASN’T WANTED.

THE WOUND THAT TOLD ME THAT I WOULD NEVER BELONG NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED.

WHICH IF YOU KNOW ABOUT THE MOTHER WOUND AND HOW SHE WORKS, WERE ALL COMPLETE AND UTTER LIES.

But that’s the funny thing that happens when we finally get to the core of our mother wound- we see the Truth for what it is and realize just how much we’ve been letting the wound run the show.

And that Truth?

That Truth was a blazing hot beating heart that showed me that not only am I loved, but I am worthy.

Period. Full Stop. 

Worthy.

Which seems so simple, but in the midst of what felt like chaos, was absolutely the most revolutionary thing I had ever felt. 

I felt high on life. I felt like ME again. 

And I felt like I could finally stand tall in the answer that had been there all along- that while I am a NO to physically being a mother, that does not mean that I am not a mother in other ways.

I am a mother to my clients and the community I foster in my business.

I am a mother to a spiritual warrior of a horse, a huge cuddly lab and a cat that truly is the queen.

I am a mother to countless creative projects, programs, books, podcasts, writings and so much more.

And I am a mother to my own internal world, seeing myself fully. Taking care of that Achilles Heel of a mother wound that has desperately been seeking to be SEEN.

This last one was the motherhood that was thrown into question in the midst of this reckoning, but was infinitely strengthened by this process.

It's a strange thing to put this out in the world and still know that God may have other plans, that a child may still come that I can not yet see, that my choice might change tomorrow or my biological clock may kick in a few years from now.

But as I searched the internet for others who have made the same choice, it became clear to me that choosing to be a No to having a child in many ways has nothing to do with actual motherhood.

And that there is a huge community of women who don't discuss this for all of the reasons I just wrote above, who need to know that:

YES- YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WORTHY AS A WOMAN IF YOU DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN- WHETHER IT IS A CHOICE OR NOT.

THAT MOTHERHOOD TAKES MANY FORMS.

AND SOME OF US HAVE ANOTHER PATH HERE THAT IS NO LESS WORTHY AND IS JUST AS POWERFUL.

I say this is Part 1 because I know this conversation does not end with these words, and there are deeper aspects to explore as I continue on this journey. Mythological patterns, archetypal bloodlines, warrior woman & priestess roles to be expressed.

So more is coming, when the time is right. 

But in the meantime I want to hear from you- have you ever faced a similar question? Have you made a similar choice? Or chosen differently, but still question your worthiness as a woman?

My intention with publishing this piece is to open the conversation and have a safe space for women to discuss their own reckoning with motherhood, so I have turned the comments on below. 

Thank you for seeing me <3