You know, I just love it when divine messages come at exactly the right time. This morning, I was perusing through my Instagram feed and up popped a message that I desperately needed to hear today (but didn't even realize)- Go Forth.
You see, a few weeks ago, I posted this on my Facebook page.
6 years ago while living in Bali- unwinding from years spent in finance and athletic competition- I saw a performance of women at a nightclub dancing with fire and flames. The experience struck me to the core- of knowing something deep about myself, but was so far from who I could see that day.
I made a vow that night that I would learn this dance when I had earned the honor.
So I spent years cultivating my inner fire. Walking through the flames in my odyssey. Burning away the old identities and things standing in the way of me becoming fully me.
Building up the courage and faith to face the truth of who I am and what I came here in this lifetime to do.
Several weeks ago, I shared this vision with an amazing photographer/ healer of capturing the fiery side of myself that's been burning lately.
I had no idea at the time, but this simple share led her to help me in fulfilling my vision last night by a bonfire in a sacred town.
And dance with the flames I did-- for hours and with a sword. With wings and drums and pure magic. There was even a goddess and a dragon who appeared- special tools to dance with the fire that felt like I've known them all along.
And finally, my body found the way she's wanted to move all along. A way she's been wanting to move, needing to move, ACHING to move.
As if my body finally caught up to a dance she deeply needed to return to. My mind finally caught up with the courage to go there. And that my soul had remembered all along and was burning to feel again.
And she does. And I do. And this morning it somehow feels like life will never be the same again.
I’ve received more email, texts and messages based on this one post than anything I’ve ever put up in Facebook-land.
And in many ways, sharing this really vulnerable truth about myself took me well past an edge. It was more of a coming out of my internal world and the practices I do in private than anything I've shared before.
And that was well- scary.
And it left me in an awkward in-between place- yet again in my life- where I launched myself into a deeper reality of being seen, but I didn't yet have all my ducks in a row to present it fully- or perfectly- to the world.
As you know, I've been working on a lot of projects and exciting new programs behind the scenes, and well truth is- they aren't 'ready' yet. Everything is taking longer than expected. Web design changes haven't yet come through. Sales pages are delayed. Even photos I've been waiting on to move forward haven't arrived yet- including those from this photo shoot I wrote about above that I can't wait to show you.
To put it mildly, my inner perfectionist has been taken for quite a ride. The plan, the vision, the flow have all been stalled.
Until yesterday, I was letting all of this get to me. Majorly.
It's been like sitting in the fire and not being able to move, but not wanting to be there either.
The uncomfortable space in-between.
Which I've been hearing some version of from pretty much everyone I've spoken with the last several weeks. A common sentiment being "What the hell is going on right now"?
Then yesterday, it all hit me. It's not a question of 'what the hell is going on?" but rather questions of:
Where am I standing in my own way?
And what/ who/ where have I been holding back in anticipation of it all being ready and perfect?
SO BEFORE I MOVE ON, I WANT YOU TO STOP HERE FOR A MOMENT. TAKE A DEEP BREATH. ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS AND BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO HEAR THE ANSWERS.
REALLY TRULY- FIND THE COURAGE TO DIG DEEP HERE AND LISTEN TO THE TRUTH THAT COMES THROUGH.