It was one of those days. Boy was it one of THOSE days. I worked all day on 5 clients and I had a girls night out to attend, but I just could not get myself together to go out. I was getting over a very recent break-up, the death of a very dear friend, starting to come down with the flu, had worked one of my longest weeks on record, and I was so tired that I was definitely not seeing straight.

Or was finally actually seeing straight. The point could be debated when it comes down to it.

I’ve always heard that the most divine inspiration comes when we are at our lowest, our most vulnerable, when things are looking grim and our bodies are giving up and there really is nothing left to hold up those walls of protection anymore. Those walls that block us from hearing what the universe wants us to do. I’d experienced it once before in the rice fields of Bali when Green Star Holistix (my business) was born. And I was about to experience it again, though I had no idea.

So there I was, alone in my tiny, cold, in-law studio on a Saturday night, bummed that I couldn’t muster the energy to just go see my girlfriends, sad about my break-up, angry at my friend who died, and running a fever that had to be over 100 by that point. The only solution seemed to be: pour myself a nice glass of wine and take a bath. Take a hot, scolding, bath with tons of epsom salt, turn off the lights, turn up the music and just crawl into that tub and cry.

And cry did I. The tears were like a current so strong that it could have filled that tub I was sitting in back up and over again and just keep going. I felt like my life had lost it’s direction, like I’d lost my spark, lost my partner, and become so lost in my work that I didn’t know who I was anymore. Talk about a great scene for a movie, huh?

And then I heard it. That voice.

It was so clear, so true, that I almost had to run to my door and make sure someone didn’t sneak into the house while I wasn’t looking. But it wasn’t a stranger. In fact, it was me.

I was talking. But it was a different voice, not the voice I’ve always imagined myself to have. It was sure. It was strong. It was confident. It was everything that I thought I had lost in those dreary months of this past winter.

And what was it saying? It was saying to stop looking outside of myself for anything. To start looking inside, to go back to my roots, to go back inside to where the real magic lies. To reconnect with the Divine living right there at the core of who I am, within my own self.

I’d heard this mumbo jumbo before, mostly in yoga class. Oh yeah yeah, the divine lives in me and pulses through me, and we’re all just a reflection of the divine. I’d heard it before. In fact I’d even taught it myself in my classes and used it with my clients in my healing work.

But for some reason, this time, it was different. This time, it was TRUE. It was powerful. It was a force to be reckoned with. And what it had to say was not going to take “no” for an answer.

So here it was, in it’s simplicity- it was time, time to reach down inside and tap into all this energy, all this spark, all the various sides of who I am, all this deep work that I’ve done and to really start to not only communicate with all the aspects of the Divine openly, but also to share it with others.

See, what I realized that night is that with all the ‘spirituality’ I have tapped into, all the studies I have done, all the learning about the gods and goddesses and the various aspects of our own human nature that they represent have been great for me, but really there hasn’t been an outlet to bring it all together in one place, not in the way that I could envision it. And certainly I have never been able to find this from anyone else.

So here it is: my creation. My own intimate, personal communications with all the divine aspects of who I am. Some days it might be Kali, some days Shiva, some days good old Ganesh or the savior Jesus, Ishtar or Isis or even the raven who sits at my window speaking to me in the mornings.

And don’t worry- I’ll provide a short but sweet background of who each of these god, goddesses, totems or beings are so you too can begin to tap into them as well. And if it pains you or triggers you to think of them as such beings (I am well aware what the word ‘god’ can trigger in many a human being, myself included) then just look at them as characters in a story who represent different aspects of YOU. Because in all reality, that’s what they are. It’s how they were dreamed up in the first place, how these ancient traditions created these beings to worship- each is a reflection of some aspect of YOU. Each and every one of us embodies each of these beings in some way. And by tapping into them, communicating with these beings who are really just facets of who we are, we can better access the nooks and crannies of our very OWN existence.

So here it begins. My gift to you: my own personal Letters to the Divine [within]

And so it is.