The Paradox of Hell Yes and Not Yet



All my life, I've been a Leap of Faith devotee. Time after time seeing the vision before me, knowing when I'm a Yes, and gathering all the courage I have to go for it.

Every time it's worked for me- though often in ways I never would expect.

Many times I've fallen flat on my face- literally & metaphorically.

Sometimes it's been quite a comedy of errors that ensued as I navigated the twists and turns of the decision.

But always right- always.

Late last summer, something utterly primal shifted within me.

A grounded & rooted energy that had previously felt just-out-of-reach.

A keener eye and more discerning heart emerged.

A body ready to take me farther, strengthened.

And then- the Visions of the next stage{s} began to emerge. Some dazzling, some surprising, some downright scary as hell.

But ALL of them, a massive HELL YES.

The old me would have Leaped to it- daring all, risking all to do it NOW.

But that rooted shift brought with it a new paradox to explore... And a deeper level of trust & surrender than I've ever known before.

How do we navigate being a full YES AND know- it's NOT QUITE TIME- YET.

How do we see the bigger picture AND honor the smaller steps it takes to get there?

How do we stay in the present & enjoy the journey AND not get caught up in the Future Tripping that comes with such knowings?

How do we navigate a deep, deep, deeper still trust in timing & right place & next steps.... Even when we can taste and feel what's coming?

These past few months I've been dancing in this Paradox- making decisions, planning and saving, facing fears and old triggers I thought I had 'mastered' {ahem- we never Master, we only continue to go deeper...}.

I've had chances to Leap, yet known it would be premature. I've tasted & smelled what's coming while being thrown on my knees to be present to NOW.

I've faced anger & ecstasy, hopelessness & peace, fear & courage.

All the while dancing in the trust: when the time is right I'll KNOW, while simultaneously enjoying the adventure along the way.

Where might you be dancing in this paradox?

Jennifer Blackstock