Hello love,

I’ve been pondering this question of What happens when you ACTUALLY get what you want? a lot lately, and is a big reason why I went into a bit of hiding and haven’t written here in a while.

You see, about 7 weeks ago when I released my last article, I did ACTUALLY receive what I had been asking the Universe to provide for quite some time: my tribe found me, an article I wrote went viral in the entrepreneur community, my list more than doubled in less than 12 hours, people I majorly looked up to contacted ME to collaborate, and I was given the opportunity to lead a group of hundreds of women in a program that was near and dear to my heart- literally overnight.

It was, as they say in the fairy tales, a dream come true. I opened up and was vulnerable with the world in a way I never had been before, and thus the Universe provided everything I had ever asked for in terms of my business- literally on the spot. It was the proof I had always wanted that this stuff WORKS. And it was breathtaking.

But it was also scary as all shit. 

Yes- I said it. I was scared out of my mind that everything I had asked for was actually given to me.

What did it mean? Would people still love me? Would my friends be jealous? Did I deserve this? What if I fucked it all up?

Thus, as my article How Healing Led me from Bankruptcy to 6-figures in 15 Months went viral, and my Celebrating Abundance: A 40 Day Practice began with hundreds of people enrolled, I was launched into an Initiation of the highest order to really test my strength around my own beliefs around desire, abundance, and creating the life I most want to live.

You see, there is a lot of talk these days around desires, creating the life you want to live, bringing in abundance, manifesting and the whole lot of it. I’ve been in these circle long enough to have a few tricks up my sleeve in relation to all of them, and over the years as I’ve worked on healing first my body, then my mind, then my heart, and ultimately my soul, I’ve found that the more I remove the BLOCKS in my way to all those things I desire in my life, the more those things have an opportunity to flow in.

Now I have a confession- for many years, I did the work but didn’t necessarily see the *results* that I dreamed of. Good stuff flowed in, but never to the extent I dreamed it would. At the heart of it, I still didn’t believe I deserved what I most wanted. But something shifted as I wrote that article- a block that was very present in my ‘story’- feeling I didn’t deserve the good life because I had declared bankruptcy years ago- was removed.

I OWNED THE STORY SO THAT I COULD RELEASE IT. 

THE RESULT: THE UNIVERSE PROVIDED BY ALLOWING THOSE THINGS I MOST WANTED TO FLOW IN.

And as those things started to flow in, as I was introduced to the world I had been waiting for, the Universe tested me to see just how much I could believe- truly believe- that in the end, I deserved it all.

I won’t go into all the details of how I was tested. But let’s leave it to say that there were sleepless nights, anxiety around losing it all, slipping into old patterns of feeling undeserving, a little too much wine one night, and tears in the bathtub.

Throughout it all though, I had this keen awareness that it was all perfect how it was happening. It was all exactly as it was meant to be. While the old structures and masks began to crumble in those moments of falling apart, the new, stronger, REAL me- the me that knows I deserve everything I desire and more- began to come through and stand firmly in her place in the world.

So it got me thinking- What happens when we ACTUALLY get what we ask for? What happens when the blocks to the abundance you desire finally come crumbling down, and all that is left is the reality of just how perfect- even in all it’s glory and it’s messiness- life actually is?

The answer I came up with is that, when we’ve done the work and get to that point where things begin to shift, there is a final releasing of the pattern that needs to happen that comes in the form of the Initiation- what at first feels like a falling backwards into the old patterns, but is in reality an entering into a new way of being. The Initiation is the commencement of a new way of life that will TEST how ready we are to really let go of the blocks, the masks, the structures we’ve put in place to hold us back.

I’ve been working around the concept of Initiation for years with teachers such as Hugh Milne and Kalila Doughty, but this was a whole new realization of the term.

Initiations can hurt. Initiations can feel downright scary. Initiations can feel like it isn’t working, or never will. They are supposed to, because they are showing us exactly how we don’t want to live anymore.

But Initiations, when allowed to move through us, are the alchemical fire that turns the metaphorical lead into gold. {Click to Tweet}

So when the Initiation takes place, we have a choice: let these patterns take back control to become a victim to the story once again OR recognize the Initiation for what it is, fully feel it, let it move through you, and use it as an opportunity to finally claim what it is you desire in your life. The whole process looks something like this:

OWN THE STORY -> RELEASE THE ‘BLOCK’ -> RECOGNIZE THE INITIATION WHEN IT HAPPENS ->  SLAY THE METAPHORICAL SHADOW -> CLAIM YOUR TRUE DESIRE => TRUE ABUNDANCE

Of course, for each of us, the process will look different, and healing loves to mix things up and hide the Initiation as truth, and mask the shadows as reality. But if you can be brave enough to let it move through you- sit in the discomfort, have the courage to say ‘no more of this bullshit story’, have even more courage to say you deserve to have what you want, and keep your eyes on what you desire no matter what- then the more likely it is that life will restore the flow of abundance in your life to keep you moving forward.

In what I now lovingly refer to as My Initiation around deserving my desires that arose 7 weeks ago, I came to learn new levels of abundance that I never dreamed possible, and how much abundance has so much more to do with love- of others, of self, of the entire freaking Universe- than it does about money or things. I’ve always known this, but I had to release into the fire my last doubts about that.

Dare to be Brave. Dare to Believe. Dare to Tap into the Magic.