The Journey of Fierce Miracles
I want to start off today by saying a huge THANK YOU to all of the lovely emails, messages and responses to the new website launched a few weeks ago. It still amazes me how effortlessly things can come together when we are truly ready for expansion. I've been spending time with your requests and responses and preparing a few exciting events in the coming weeks and months!
As those of you who have been with me for many years know, The Unbridled Life started with a series of dreams.
Like- actual dreams during the night. I started to notice this series of dreams in 2011, and over the course of the years they helped guide me to make some serious changes in my life, including how I was running my then-bodywork based business. When I mentioned these dreams to other healers and peers at the time, almost everyone had some story to relate to them.
The dreams always had some flavor of the following:
It's nighttime, and everything is pitch black except light emanating from something just outside my reach. I feel trapped. All around me are 4 walls that seem to be closing in from all directions. As the night goes on, the space physically stays the same size but feels smaller and smaller by the minute. My body starts to thrash and I try to break free of whatever it is that is holding me here.
Yet somehow I know- nothing is holding me here. I'm just not ready to see that Truth yet.
The pace quickens and my breathing gets heavier as I push and pull, kick and yell for anyone- ANYONE- to come save me.
But of course no one is coming- not yet anyway. It's a journey I need to figure out myself.
And though I know that, I get angry as all hell that nothing I am doing is working.
My body feels HUGE. And I realize that I'm not in my human form, but have become a big, black horse. Eyes bulging and red, frantically wanting out of the tight stall I've found myself in.
Dreams like this always have some twist or turn thrown in- a window I can look out, or huge saddles and bridles tied to my face that feel like the weight of the world. And no matter what I do, the more effort I put into trying to break free, the more tied down I become.
Until I reach a point of exhaustion from the fight. A body full of sweat and tears and heaving rage, no longer with the strength to continue. And so I collapse in the corner in what some would call Surrender- but not of the spiritual kind.
But the ending to these dreams is always the same:
In the exhaustion following the fight & rage, A turning of my head towards the light. A realization that all along, there were no ties that bound me or leather that burdened me. And that it wasn't four solid walls after all, but rather an airy stall with a huge door.
Like a miracle.
Ready for me to simply walk out whenever I was ready. And in the dreams I always walk out- radiant, whole, stronger for the fight & wiser for the knowing that I actually had the choice to walk free all along.
And with that a realization that it was the fight that was exhausting me, not the actual circumstances- those were easy to change.
But the work, the deeper work these dreams revealed to me was to address the fight. To face all those places where I was fighting instead of flowing, giving up instead of choosing, and putting myself in circumstances that no longer felt in alignment for me.
I'm sure at some point in your life, you've felt some version of the above. It may not be a horse in a stall but some other metaphor for feeling trapped with seemingly no way out.
For the past 5+ years, dreams exactly like this one have been a teacher for me along my path to healing & embodiment. At first they disturbed me, until I made the choice to use them as a guide for what is showing up in my life- and as fuel to take action.
What I learned from exploring the lessons in these dreams is that life is going to happen to all of us, and absolutely anything can feel like a stall that holds us back or makes us feel trapped.
The lesson- nay- the real GOLD- is in realizing that no matter what the circumstances, it's our responsibility to fiercely show up for ourselves in ALL areas of our lives so that we can actively choose our freedom. And from this place of sovereignty, of choice, of true power- Miracles have the open door to arrive.
These dreams formed the basis of The Unbridled Life which I formally opened in 2013. Here and there over the years these dreams have returned to refresh the lesson. Then 10 months ago, I fell off a spooky school horse in my riding lessons one time too many, and a big, black horse named Oliver entered my life.
By fiercely showing up for myself in my desire to commune with horses again & showing up even when I really didn't want to, I came face-to-face with the horse literally from my dreams. Same markings. Same presence. Same attitude. Who literally came up for sale exactly when I was ready for him.
And so Oliver and I have been on a journey to discover deeper layers of truth of what The Unbridled Life really means- and what it doesn't.
In this time, I began to use a phrase that came to me but I wasn't even sure of what it meant entirely-
You see- I've always been a bit of a Kali-esque woman. Not the soft & sweet kind of goddess, but rather the fierce warrior who takes no shit and stands up for who she is- ALL of who she is- with no apologies. In the midst of a year of planning a wedding and immersing myself deep in the Rite of Passage of sacred union with my love, I'd all but abandoned this fierce side of myself in favor of a more romantic, feminine flavor I was trying on for size.
But yet, the dreams like the one above returned and the mantra of Fierce Miracles persisted.
I couldn't help but laugh. Fierce Miracles sounded right up my alley, but then I’d find myself asking- How do fierce and miracles even belong in the same sentence?
My relationship with my horse Oliver seems to be the initiation into exactly what this means and has taught me this:
When in the presence of a horse, it is absolutely necessary to be in your true power. You can't lie to them. You can't hide your true feelings. And you certainly can't pretend to know what you are doing. In fact- it’s dangerous to even try.
But what do you do when faced with a mirror so strong you can't avoid looking at the parts of yourself that scare you?
Well- you can either turn away from the open door and stay stuck in that confining stall forever.
Or you can Fiercely look in the mirror, get in your body, ask the hard questions, and CHOOSE to show up for yourself in all your glory and mess.
And from this place of Fiercely Choosing YOU- Miracles have the permission to enter your life.
For the past few months- truthfully- it's felt like I've been back in that stall again- raging against the walls in the dark not knowing which way was out. Or even that there was a way out. Like the descent of Persephone, undergoing any Rite of Passage- even extremely happy ones- tend to bring us face-to-face with our next levels of shadows.
So for the past few months, I've been sitting with this and learning the ropes of it myself all over again. Of seeing where I have been fighting- circumstances, who I really am, what I really want. Of looking at where I've given away my power. Of being willing to look out that open stall door and choose the future I'm ready to claim.
Sometimes we need to be willing to travel into the depths again to ride to even greater heights.
This Fierce Miracles: A 40 Day Embodiment Practice is what I developed to navigate this growth filled time of my life. It is great if you've been feeling stuck, anxious, depressed, not good in your body, tired or overall like something just feels off.
Or like something needs to change, but you have no idea what. Maybe you are struggling in one area yet thriving in others, or everything has an energy of hard attached to it right now.
Even if you are feeling fantastic, this practice is an opportunity to reset, re-commit, and re-energize you in how you show up for yourself- and the world- daily.
If you've done a 40 Day practice with me in the past, this one is a little different. All of the written materials are in one place with the eBook, so you don't need to sign up for another list or be bogged down with daily emails.
Instead, you choose your pace. You choose when you start and end. You choose how deep you go and do so in your own rhythm and flow.
I've also included in the bundle a 30 page Shakti Practices Guide for those of you who are desiring deeper Goddess work in your life.
The Fierce Miracles: A 40 Day Embodiment Practice is now for sale on my website. For this weekend to celebrate spring and Easter, it will be on sale from the regular price of $44 to $22 until Monday, April 16th.
I myself will be doing the practice live on social media with the hashtags #FierceMiracles and #40DaysofEmbodiment beginning Easter Sunday- April 16, 2017. Please join me in using them as well so we can be on this journey together!
I hope you enjoy this should you choose to buy the book and participate. I'd love to hear how the practice is going for you so be sure to tag me or respond to this email.
It's time to get fierce in the cultivation of Miracles!
In Liberation + Celebration,