A Fall To Grace

Often, it’s the anticipation of ‘The Thing’ that scares you that is 100x worse than the actual thing- well- actually happening.
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I know so many women who are scared of failing, and equally scared of really succeeding. {Because if we succeed, the fall may be even bigger}. 
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The fear of getting hurt. The fear of messing up in front of others- or even VERY publicly. The fear of losing control. The fear of not knowing what to do with it if it happens. 
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But when we put ourselves out there, when we show up and push our edges, the old saying is never more true- It’s not a question of IF ‘The Thing’ happens, but WHEN.
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So we hold back, until the pain of holding back becomes a burden and we finally take the risk.
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Thing is, the anticipation is where most of the fear & holding back resides. And when ‘The Thing’ finally happens, it’s like a magical release valve opens up, and we can return to ourselves once again.
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All week I felt something off. I knew I was close to some breakthrough, but had no what, or where, it would be.
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Today my scariest of scary monsters happened- I fell off Oliver for the first time, at a point where I feel stronger than ever. And it wasn’t just a fall- he took off & bucked me off. At least I stayed on for the first two, but that third buck got me 🤦🏼‍♀️
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And you know what- I stood right back up, actually laughed, let someone else ride the high out of him, and got back on.
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But the strangest thing has happened in the hours since. I feel... FREE. Like brings-tears-to-my-eyes-free. And truthfully, a little silly that it’s been such a scary monster for me for so long. 
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I’ve been pushing into new territory in many areas of my life lately, and today I went for it harder than I ever have. And yes- The Thing happened, and I’m not only ok- I feel stronger than I did before.
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So I’ll get back on tomorrow, deal with any nerves I have, and trust that all will be ok.
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This is why I ride. Not to go show or try to prove something. I ride BECAUSE it scares me, and because it’s a mirror for so much more in my life. I meet even more of who I am- and who I am becoming- every single time I saddle up 👊🏻🖤🔥

Jen Shadows