Don’t Waste the Suffering, don’t sacrifice the joy
They say (don’t you love it- who is ‘they’ anyway):
How you handle one thing is how you handle everything.
On my good days I’m like hell yeah that’s true!
But on my really bad? I’ll do anything to convince you it’s the circumstances, the others involved, the conditions that presented themselves beyond my control.
Just me?
Yeah- didn’t think so.
When it feels like the odds are stacked against us, the cards we were dealt were definitely not of the winning kind and like maybe we are standing in the eye of the storm and see no way out.
Until you remember that actually, YOU are the eye of your own storm. And YOU get to decide how you wish to handle everything swirling around you.
Here’s the things about us humans:
Sometimes when we face that storm, it can be a single day that we forget that we ultimately hold the key to our own success in how we handle things.
And sometimes it can be an entire week or month or season or YEAR.
Something tells me this a lesson we ALL could take to heart here in 2025.
Because let’s be real:
Life WILL happen. Life IS happening. And sometimes it feels like a hurricane we Must weather- of the great soul-stirring kind of MUST.
The only question is- how are you going to handle it when it does?
Will you waste the suffering?
Will you sacrifice all of your joy?
Or will you use it ALL as an opportunity to learn what you are made of to come home even more to YOURSELF?
Tough days, tough seasons, Hard Things of the life kind, disappointments, rough conditions, troubling times…
It’s an art to always seeing the good and abundance in things like I wrote about in my last piece, but to deny that we’ll need to face things that require us to gather our Power, stand firm in who we are and choose how to show up is just Bypassing- and we don’t stand for that here.
So it’s a balance- open our hearts to the abundance & Grace around us in every moment to be open to all the GOOD that can happen, while also preparing ourselves for the inevitable Hard that we will encounter.
Hence why I purposely train my mind, body and soul to do Hard Things- regardless of the season I am in- so that when the Hard LIFE things come along, my body knows how to feel strong to hold me through it, my soul knows how to stay steady and my mind knows how to process moving forward- with Grace.
Always.
Or as I like to call it- forging ourselves in the Fires of Our Choosing to know how to navigate the Fires We Must Walk Through.
Because those Fires We Must Walk Through? They are a part of life.
And as much as I would love to avoid pain as much as the next person, the ultimate success to me is feeling fully ALIVE in every moment I have the honor to take a breath.
Which means I better know how to take the good and the bad in equal measure and fully feel the FREEDOM that comes in experiencing it all.
Hence why long distance running has stolen my heart.
Want to find out what you are made of and how to handle it when things don’t go according to plan or better yet DO go according to plan and you SOAR? Go train for and run 26.2 miles- Or your equivalent of a challenge.
This is about running, but it also isn’t about running.
You can insert any challenge your heart is calling you to right now- a promotion, a creative endeavor like writing a book, a financial goal...
As long as it’s something that stretches you and requires you to show up for yourself to accomplish it, it fits.
Double extra points if you just can’t stop thinking about it but it feels damn near impossible. That’s where the Magic happens.
In the training you will meet all of your excuses and resistance.
In the training you will see how you show up- and don’t show up- when you have a big vision you want to step into.
In the training you will be forced to meet YOURSELF- the self that revels in the joy of moving forward and the self that is terrified of it at the same time and pulls their tricks to slow things down or stop you in your tracks.
But today’s piece isn’t about the training.
Today is all about when The Time comes to do the damn thing- and what happens when God, the Universe, whatever you believe in higher than yourself, decides to gift you with conditions beyond your control.
Which arguably we all could use a refresher course in right about now because… *gestures around*
You can feel 100% prepared.
You can do everything right in your preparation.
You can feel Ready with a capital R.
You can be excited, nervous (the right kind) and stronger than you ever felt.
And still- you never know what you are going to get on race day.
This is one of the things I love and loathe about racing- or really any big life endeavor or challenge. You can spend 4, 6, 8 months or more preparing yourself for something that happens on one day (or a series of days like in the 48.6 miles over 4 days of the Dopey Challenge at Disney World’s Marathon Weekend).
As someone who was told by doctors 17 years ago that I should never run again due to some long-term Lymes Disease symptoms that flare and a condition in my spine that leaves my L5 vertebrae in my lower back unstable, I toe a fine line between pushing my edges and not pushing TOO hard.
Hence why I’m not a runner who pushes for very fast paces or runs more than one marathon in a year typically (though that may change). I have friends who run multiple marathons or even ultras a year- sometimes in back-to-back weeks.
It leaves them room for error should something go wrong on race day that they have another shot later at something great.
But me- much of my training often focuses on ONE DAY OUT OF THE YEAR.
Hello- pressure!
I joke but also- it does create an energy of ‘everything rides on this one day’ which is part exhilarating, part terrifying if I’m completely transparent.
We can harness that edge to our advantage to not sacrifice the joy of any experience.
But then- what happens when that one day turns out… not how we expected?
Or that project, or meeting, or interview, or whatever it is YOU have been preparing for?
Well- what happens is a Masterclass in how you handle one thing is how you handle everything.
And you have a choice:
You can let it crush you OR you can revel in the Magic of it to grow.
The past 2 Januarys I had a chance to do exactly that.
I grew up a Disney kid. Living on the East Coast in New Jersey, Florida was a quick flight or -for my driving loving dad- a long road trip for an annual pilgrimage to Disney World for a week or two of fun, food and sun.
As we got older the tradition ended until 2018 when my parents treated my sister & I, our husbands and my nephew to a week in Disney World.
At the time I was almost a year into my sobriety, had recently lost 40lbs and was feeling ALIVE again in every sense of the word.
I had also just started running again after that doctor doomsday a decade before.
When we were there I heard that Disney of all places held races! And a MARATHON every year. I was intrigued.
I had run my ‘one and done’ marathon when I was 24 in San Francisco (I was working in NYC on Wall Street at the time) and it had changed my life- leading to my move to California a few months later.
But I never thought I would be able to- or even want to- run a marathon again. But a seed was planted that trip that led to running the Disney World Marathon in January 2020, mere weeks before the world shut down.
It was the one and only race my dad ever saw me run before he passed away, and that moment that we hugged around mile 25 in the England pavilion of Epcot is forever a core memory.
Besides being a Disney kid, as a ‘slower’ runner, Disney races are perfect for me- I can run my race at my pace and not worry about course time limits {there is a strict one yes, but I’m a strong power walker so could walk it at that pace if the real shit hit the fan- more below}
Plus there truly is an air of Magic that I’ve never felt at any other race.
So I make every effort I can to run at Marathon Weekend every January. Every time I convince myself it’s the last time- especially around Mile 20 in the Blizzard Beach parking lot which is infamous in the runDisney community as a certified circle of Dante’s Inferno.
But at this point it’s an annual pilgrimage- and each year takes on a flavor of marking the passing of time and stages of life:
There was the year it was 90+ degrees and felt like running through a swamp but was so damn FUN in 2020. In the hotel room afterwards with my legs up the wall, my dad and I watched the first news report of a ‘new virus’ experts were worried about… That hot as hell 26.2 miles prepared me for a year of navigating extremes with the shutdowns and still finding my joy.
Then came the year it went virtual and I ran 26.2 on my own months later in 2021. It signified for me that I have my own back and can do anything- even if I have to go it alone.
The next year I signed up for the Dopey Challenge {48.6 miles over 4 days: a 5k on Thursday, a 10k on Saturday, a half marathon Saturday and a full marathon Sunday} but my dad passed away a week before training was set to begin. I trained through raw grief and that finish was a TRIUMPH in 2022.
That year confirmed for me that movement is absolutely medicine and I don’t think I would have navigated grief as well as I did without it.
Then came the year I went for Dopey again and came down with food poisoning the day of the half marathon (haha now THAT was an interesting 13.1 miles) and chose to DNS {Did Not Start} the marathon in 2023.
That DNS left me with this strange hole of unfinished business that started to bleed into every nook and cranny of my life in 2023 and weirdly reignited an ambition I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
It was my rise-from-the-ashes Phoenix year. Or so I thought.
It was the year I built a new website and launched this Substack quietly to start playing with long form writing again. It was the year my husband & I started dreaming of owning a home and set some big life goals to step into. It was the year I started holding group programs again, got more involved in the running community and ultimately joined that fated Mastermind that made me call into question the coaching industry altogether (read about that here if you missed it).
It was a year where, for better or worse- a massive fire was lit within me and I became super goal-oriented for the first time in a long time.
So- to say I had unfinished business for my 2024 pilgrimage to the Disney Marathon is an understatement.
It was the year I was going to *finally* run what every online calculator and coach told me was possible- a 4:30- 4:45 marathon. Given my Marathon PR is 5:28 this was a tall order, but like I said- I was focused and ON FIRE Fierce Ones.
Have you ever had a season of life like this yourself?
My training was impeccable. I felt stronger + fitter than ever. My fueling was dialed in. I was ‘only’ going for the Marathon instead of one of the multi-day challenges, so I would be well rested.
I felt mentally prepared to push my pace while also having fun. I felt so on PURPOSE in my life and I could SEE that finish line with the time I wanted.
It was as good as DONE. And my mind had zero room for any other possibility.
I’m pretty sure God has a sense of humor.
In the weeks leading up to a race, as all racers know, an obsession with the weather begins.
A thing completely out of our control all of a sudden becomes the nemesis that could make or break the thing we just spent MONTHS preparing for.
I’ve seen people spend a full year training for an Ironman for the swim to be cancelled the day before. Hell I’ve seen an entire Ironman get cancelled THE MORNING OF due to a Bomb Cyclone.
I’ve seen courses shortened during the race (my 2020 marathon was cut soon after I passed the cut off point), courses changed in the days before, racers loaded onto buses mid-course in surprise thunderstorms.
In those days before it becomes a game of goldilocks- Some love to run in the hot. Some love the cold. Some don’t mind the rain. Everyone in the Facebook groups and group chats is either excited at the forecast or upset.
We train for all the potential variables and then cross our fingers we can handle whatever we encounter. Kinda like life.
This particular Marathon 2024, which I’ll remind you was GOING TO BE MY RACE- cue dramatic music- I purposely trained for the HEAT, running my long runs in the afternoons & sun to prepare for Florida weather.
We had some colder {SoCal version} days and I trained those too just in case, but since we were having an extremely dry winter, the one thing it was impossible to train for was RAIN- especially cold rain.
Can you see where this is going?
When the forecast called for thunderstorms during the half marathon I felt triumphant- see! This is why I didn’t run Dopey this year! They shortened the half by half! {Ultimately people were pulled from the course the storm was so bad because even the best weather forecasts still don’t get it right}
So when the storms cleared and marathon morning came there was zero rain in the forecast. I set out for the start line in my Elsa-inspired kit ready for my day of triumph.
The first 7 miles, I was ON. On pace. On fire. On purpose. It was happening.
But then, I felt a drop as I ran in the still dark pre-dawn in front of the Contemporary Resort.
Just sweat from someone else. Moving on.
Then another few cold drops. I looked over at a woman who I’d been keeping pace with and she looked at me with the same ‘oh shit’ look.
As we approached the downhill leading into the Ticket & Transportation Center {iykyk} the skies opened up into a torrential downpour and I’m pretty sure I saw God as the laughing emoji.
Everyone came grinding to a walk on that downhill. A few slipped and fell. Everyone had a look of ‘WTF’
My first thought- this is COLD.
My second thought- maybe it’s just a passing moment.
My third thought- this will make for a great story.
But my secret thought as I ran on wet cobblestones through Magic Kingdom slipping and sliding was deep in my fear…. this might just ruin my race.
And Fierce Ones, I rarely feel ashamed, but for this one I am.
Because in that moment- I listened to the fear and couldn’t mentally recover… for 15 more miles.
By the time the pouring rain stopped a few miles later, the temperature had plummeted. So now I was soaking wet, running on slick roads and COLD without any extra layers. The three things I hadn’t trained for.
And I think I could have handled it if I had been alone. But when you are an empath surrounded by thousands of runners all ALSO in their feels about what just happened, it can be a recipe for disaster.
I tried to run, but the crowds were so thick I couldn’t safely get through. I tried to have fun, but blisters on my feet from wet socks started to form and…
I lost my joy on the roads behind the Polynesian Resort when the thick crowd pushed me into a mud puddle.
So I walked. I grumbled. And for 15 miles instead of surrendering
I wallowed in the suffering
I called my mom crying at 13.1 miles wanting to quit.
I called my husband at 20 miles and literally asked him if he’d still be proud of me if I didn’t finish.
I ignored the multitude of texts messages cheering me on feeling like a failure.
I was firmly on Team Walk The Marathon and knew I would at least finish- because for better or worse I am StubbornAF.
But I was mourning the loss of the goal I was so dead-set on achieving as I was moving along, that I entirely blocked the way for any Grace to come streaming through.
But at Mile 22, something happened. The sun came out and I felt the warmth on my face and I swear I heard an angel sing GO.
Or maybe it was Mickey Mouse.
Suddenly, I locked in on me, myself and I and tried to at least not sacrifice the joy even as I mourned that it was not the race I had visioned for 6 months.
And I started to run again.
Which frankly HURT lol.
I was stiff, my quads were trashed from walking on wet roads and I was out of fuel from being on course way longer than I planned for.
But for the final 4 miles, I ran my heart out. I smiled. I laughed with those around me. I enjoyed the 2 parks we run through in the final few miles.
I passed my sacred spot where my dad hugged me during the 2020 marathon and the wind kissed my cheek.
And I flew. Well- my version of flying anyway.
When I finally crossed that finish line in my slowest marathon time ever I burst into the tears that I had been holding on to for the past 6+ hours.
Partially in relief it was over. Partially in mourning for the day that wasn’t meant to be.
But mostly in just pure somatic release of conquering a Hard Thing made extra hard.
I came home determined to not waste the suffering and learn from how I showed up.
And what it revealed was that I had some new levels of inner work to do to:
Redefine success and my ambition and how I approach my goals
Really learn how- as a deep empath- to not let the energy around me determine how I feel about a situation aka- not let the ‘mood in the room so to speak steal my joy or sway me from what I want, need or know to be true for me
Which sounds like fun and games but can be humblingAF when we must take courageous action to get aligned again.
I seriously considered giving up running after that. And I did take a full month off to let my body recover (it was the ONLY marathon I’ve ever been sore after) but also to let my mind recover from the feeling of going for an intense goal and failing to reach it.
When I laced up again, I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of it, but I did know one thing:
Never again would I sacrifice the joy of ANYTHING I set my sights on in the quest of a goal to achieve.
Remember that God has a sense of humor part?
I then spent the rest of 2024 being tested in exactly that- and I’m not just talking about running.
But since this piece is about running and what it can teach us, I’ll focus on what happened next.
The three things I determined from that marathon at the beginning of 2024 were that
I needed to work on my speed & strength
I had some major mindset work to double down on for my mind to be better prepared to handle any situation
I needed to find MY JOY, MY WHY, MY WAY when it came to not just running but everything in my life- because if you aren’t having fun, you’re doing it wrong
So I set out on a quest- to set a few race PR’s in the spring in the spirit of fun and then conquer the Dopey Challenge again in 2025.
It seemed counter intuitive- I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to run a marathon again yet here I was signing up for 48.6 miles instead- but over the years I’ve learned that the bigger the goal, the more we must show up yes, but also the more Grace has a chance to come through.
Yes- I snagged those PR’s in both the 5k and the half marathon last spring.
And yes- I trained for Dopey even through some tough life things: leaving that Mastermind, my dog getting cancer and needing major surgery, a changing economy as a small business owner, learning my husband’s work would be closing in early 2025 for renovations and financially preparing for that, a recall on my beloved Jeep that restricted it’s use, an aging horse who started to change some behaviors in December…
I ran. I trained. I got certified as a Run Coach and Personal Trainer myself to add to my 1:1 coaching programs.
I showed up in the good and the bad and the wonderful and the Hard and the pain and the Glory.
The almost 1,000 miles I ran in 2024 training for the Dopey Challenge to come in January of 2025 in many ways were my salvation because instead of wallowing in how hard it was, I truly channeled the suffering into pure JOY in almost every.single.mile. for the first time maybe ever.
So when race weekend came this January I was Ready yet again, but in a wholly different way.
My ONLY goal- Have a damn good time and celebrate.
And finish of course- but again- StubbornAF me knew that was in the bag.
What could go wrong?
Turns out- yet again the weather.
Y’all- it’s once in a blue moon that Florida experiences extreme cold. But there I was, watching the weather in dread as the forecast started showing temperatures in the 20’s (that’s Fahrenheit) at the start lines with a thunderstorm on half marathon morning for good measure.
So I reluctantly bought running gloves, packed long sleeves & tights (which make me claustrophobic to run in) and stocked up on cheap flannels and mylar blankets to wrap myself in for 4 mornings of cold in the corrals.
Yes- I cried hysterically about it on expo morning.
But then I pulled on my big girl pants, laced up my Hoka Skyward X’s and set out to meet the challenge head on.
It’s a common misconception that the hardest part of doing the Dopey Challenge is the running 48.6 miles over 4 days part.
But if we train properly for that, our bodies can do it.
The hardest part in my opinion is waking up at 1:30AM for 4 days in a row, taking buses to the start, walking 2 miles to corrals before the race even begins, standing around in packed corrals in whatever weather appears for hours on end AND THEN having to run your race.
{I know I’m really selling the experience here lol. I PROMISE it’s worth it}
Add in extreme weather like temperatures in the 20 degrees to the pre-race ritual and you have the perfect recipe to succumb to the allure of Wallowing in the Suffering.
or
You have the chance to fully embrace the mantra of Don’t Waste the Suffering. Don’t Sacrifice the Joy.
Now- this can apply to ANY difficult situation. Have you faced one recently?
Where perhaps you had big plans or expectations or visions and suddenly had to stare down a surprise challenge or collective ‘WTF is happening’?
In some ways I feel like these first few months of 2025 have gifted many of us exactly that.
Here’s what I learned in January on those start lines in the freezing cold (and on the day of the half marathon pelting rain poured in for good measure):
No matter what we are facing- a fire we choose or a fire we’ve been tasked to walk through- we always have a choice.
Even when it feels like we have no choice. Even when what we face is HardAF. Even if it would feel so much easier to exit from the situation and run away.
Even if we don’t believe we are strong enough to get through:
We can choose how we wish to show up.
Wallow? Run away? Complain? Join the pity party all around us? Amplify the suffering even more?
or
Focus on the Forward. Trust. Believe in yourself. Have Faith that you’ve got this.
Find the smallest ounce of fun + joy + Grace + freedom and allow it to multiply until the situation feels more like an adventure instead of a trial.
Which is exactly what I did in the corral of the 5k on the first day. Y’all I was COLD. Like a shivering cold I haven’t experienced since I lived in New Jersey winters over 20 years ago. And I had to RUN in it.
But I did. I laughed at how absolutely absurd it was for 3.1 miles.
And I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I could get through the next 3 days, no matter what the weather brought. But more importantly- I could do so with a smile on my face and laughter in my heart.
I swear though, sometimes I think being a Triple Fire sign just means I am fated to be challenged around every corner.
I won’t get into details of what happened next, but for my ladies who are of a certain age, you know that when changes come we can be… surprised occasionally when our body decides to cycle off it’s normal schedule.
So in the pouring rain at the start line of the half marathon on Day 3, my cycle decided to join the party.
Yet again an opportunity to say- will I wallow? Will I sacrifice my joy?
Or will I rise to the occasion?
And Fierce Ones- I chose to RISE.
I have NEVER had as much fun in a race as I did over those 13.1 miles that day.
Honestly- I felt like a dam was released of pure rapture that I had been holding at bay for a year as it became clear that maybe the secret to navigating Hard Things is staring them in the face like the devil they are and saying with the biggest grin and sparkle in our eyes ‘Not Today’
I ran that half marathon soaking wet, completely at home in my body and grinning from ear-to-ear like I was at a rave on a beach in Thailand under a Full Moon.
Something in my mind literally changed, like I had brand new neural pathways that were ready to guide me forward into a new way of being- and a new way of finding my fierce through any Hard Thing I faced.
I have zero idea what my time or pace was. My hair was destroyed in a ponytail that turned into a bird’s nest. I stopped for every photo opportunity. My glitter had melted EVERYWHERE.
And I turned that suffering into pure RAPTURE. Here’s me that morning around mile 8 in front of the castle:
So by the time my alarm went off at 1am on Marathon morning the next day, there was nothing that could hold me back.
Not the freezing cold. Not my gift from the perimenopause fairy. Not the complaining and grumbling and pure misery that I could feel coming from thousands of other runners that I now knew how to shield myself from.
Not even the fact that I was so unbelievably HUNGRY by this point from my body working overtime to not only run all those miles but to stay warm since I wasn’t acclimated.
I threw out all time goals for this next foray into 26.2 miles and I set out with ONE GOAL:
To not only cross the finish line laughing instead of crying this time, but to feel that spirit for the entire 26.2- cold and all.
Which is exactly what happened.
I didn’t waste the suffering and instead used it as fuel to learn more about myself and change how my mind navigates tough conditions.
And I didn’t sacrifice even an ounce of joy over those 5+ hours.
I ran into friends on the course and talked to them. I stopped for photos. I stood in super long porta-potty lines for more than 25 minutes total and not once did I get mad or mourn the time lost on course- I just gave my body what she needed even if it meant no PR would happen.
And a magical thing happened somewhere around mile 16 as we ran past the worst part of the course: the sewage treatment plant on the way to Animal Kingdom. As vultures flew over us,
I LET IT ALL GO.
I imagined all the Hard Things, all the fires, all the trials + tribulations, all the grief, all the questioning, all the suffering from the past few years-
I let it go.
I imagined it was all being thrown into the treatment plant to be processed and recycled and transformed.
I thanked it for the lessons learned and growth it brought- and then finally said ENOUGH.
And then I burst into laughter as Defying Gravity randomly came on my playlist- because life CAN be so full of synchronicities and magic if you open your eyes up to it- even if it feels like what you are navigating is like metaphorically running next to a sewer plant. Or maybe even being IN IT.
If my coaching sessions so far in 2025 is any indication, this year has kind of been exactly like that.
Twists and turns and fear and being outraged and scared and like we are trying to navigate our way through some serious shit.
And what these races have taught me these past few years is that even when it feels like fire after fire, how we respond and walk Forward is where the magic resides.
Because that fairytale ending?
It normally only comes after we’ve traversed the battlefields and walked through the fires and found our fierce- not because of the Hard Things, but in spite of them.
Because when we keep our heads high + move forward with Grace + allow ourselves to bow down at the Altar of Becoming, we have the chance to experience a joy deeper than anything that would have been possible if we had run away at the first signs of trouble.
So if you are navigating a hard thing in this season, or facing circumstances that feel beyond your control that are stealing your joy, or feel stuck know-
When we don’t waste the suffering, we can learn how truly strong and courageous we are.
When we don’t sacrifice the joy, we have the opportunity to RISE.
It starts in our mind, gets alchemized in our body and can come out blazing in our soul- and I swear life can begin to feel like that fairytale even on the darkest of days still amidst the trials.
Yes- I did finish the marathon this year. Not my best time, but certainly not my worst.
And you know what- my finish time is the least interesting thing about that race.
Because over 26.2 miles this year- and 48.6 miles over 4 days- something in my being permanently altered that I’m still finding words for.
Maybe marathons or running aren’t your thing. But I promise you have your own version that can teach you invaluable lessons about yourself and help you transform.
You just need to be courageous to go out there and find it- and not run away when it gets hard but instead go deeper IN.
And if the start of this year is any indication, it might be a really good time to find that courage, build your strength and maybe, just maybe, find your fierce to navigate anything that comes your way.