On the years that grow us
Hello Fierce Ones,
As we sink into the end of 2023 to reflect on everything this year brought to the table, I can't help but think of all of you as I've witnessed so much growth, change, and rising up from the ashes energy from so many in this community this year.
When I look at the trends, it seems to have been a year of letting go for so many, massive growth that came in the form of both challenges and expansions, and a year of truly witnessing yourselves for ALL of who you are.
It brought to mind a piece that I wrote a few years ago, when I was exploring all the nooks and crannies of grief after a year of shut downs {in which my husband was not allowed to work as a massage therapist} and subsequently the passing of my dad:
โฆโฆ..
๐๐ค๐ช ๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐ข๐๐ ๐ ๐ง๐ค๐ค๐ข ๐๐ค๐ง ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช๐ง ๐๐๐ง๐ค(๐๐ฃ๐) ๐๐ฃ๐๐ง๐๐ฎ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐๐ค๐ข๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ง๐ค๐ช๐๐
Because when we do- the mountains we face no longer feel so tall & insurmountable.โฃ โฃ
Because when we make that space- we find hidden strengths we didn't even know we had.โฃ โฃ
Because when we access that Hero(ine) Energy we maybe didn't even know was in there- suddenly anything feels possible.โฃ โฃ
There will be days when the tragic happens (mine was 2+ years ago) โฃ
There will be periods where nothing seems to go right โฃ
There will be tests we need to face & tears we need to shed & hard decisions we must make & tribulations we must endure โฃ
How we choose to face them makes a difference โฃ
Who we choose to Become amidst them can change us โฃ
How we RISE to the occasion can define us โฃ
And how we choose to walk forward into the flames can set our souls on fire in the process.
โฆโฆโฆโฆ.
I've made no secret that the past 2 years have been a trial- some things I've shared & some I have not.โฃ โฃ
I wrote that piece soon after I had completed the Dopey Challenge in Walt Disney World in Florida, a 4-Day, 48.6 mile road race spanning 4 races ending in a full marathon on the last day.
Let me tell you- you want to meet your inner hero or heroine and let it shine through? Commit yourself to something that will challenge you beyond your edges and you will set the stage to meet your fiercest, most badass self. {The trick of course is it must be YOUR edge, not anyone else's}
Honestly after completing the 4 months of training PLUS the actual race, I felt like the heroine of the greatest tale- especially since running those 100+ miles per month to prepare was where I processed all of my grief.
What can get tricky though is when we try to replicate the peak experience, or hope that doing it again will yield the same result. Not just in something like a race, but in life or business.
So when I attempted to complete the Dopey Challenge for the second year in a row in the first week of January of this year- how do I put this nicely? I got my ass handed to me.
My training was marred by unexpected root canals and procedures {during my highest milage weeks} that I simply could not safely put off due to the pain, and it left my body tired as I healed. I arrived in Florida not feeling quite right, and over the first few days I knew I was coming down with something. As someone who rarely gets sick, I know when something is off.
So at the start line of the half marathon on day 3, I decided to run that race as if it was my last, just have FUN and chose a DNS {Do Not Start} for the marathon the next day.
I felt simultaneously heart broken but also SO relieved. Not just because I wouldn't have to wake up at 1am to go run 26.2 miles the next day lol.
But because the decision- as tough as it was- was honoring what my body knew all along:
I didn't actually want to run Dopey for a second time- yet- but I had been talked into it by a teammate and convinced myself I was in, when really my heart was craving a different challenge.
It turned out the challenge I got that day was in learning to say NO to something even when I had put in the work, even when others were cheering me on and even when I knew I would need to spend time processing my disappointment.
And that challenge set me up for a year of more of the same inner inquiry and honoring of my NO.
Sometimes we don't get to choose our challenges, the challenges choose us. No matter what your religious beliefs are or if you believe in things like fate, destiny, the Hero's Journey or any other framework for understanding this wild adventure called life, it's undeniable that trails & tribulations will be a part of the deal.
Now- your version of this might not be some extreme like running a marathon, but I would bet money that you had situations and circumstances this year where you were moving forward on doing something not because you felt you MUST do it for your own journey & heart, but that you SHOULD do it.
Some questions to ask yourself:
Am I doing this out of obligation?
Am I doing this out of not feeling like I have a choice?
Am I doing this out of not knowing what to even decide in the first place and just winging it?
Am I doing this out of fear?
Am I doing this out of trying to fit in?
Am I doing this out of not wanting to disappoint othersโฆ.? {this one is a loaded one Fierce Ones}
And I'm sure a million other reasons why.
When faced with these questions, we always have a choice:
To learn from it and grow, or to stay stuck in the pattern.
Sometimes I think that's what makes this journey of life so interesting. Fresh. ALIVE.
Because it reminds us we have CHOICE. And what is a hero or heroine, other that someone who chooses to act in their highest integrity for their own life and actively choose each step they take, regardless of the challenges that greet them on the journey.
So I did what I do and used the lesson I was handed in the first week of 2023 as fuel to explore ALL the other places & spaces in my life where I was acting, showing up, or committed not in my fullest alignment and integrity to who I am NOW.
And I got down and dirty with making changes. Some easy, some agonizingly hard, and someโฆ just began to take care of themselves as I continued on the path.
My phrase for the year was Light It Up and I thought it would be a big leap into joy + ease, but first I needed to clear out all the shadows and places I was no longer all in on to fully step into that Light. As the journey often goes.
I believe when we are committed to our healing and growth, there will be years that are full on challenge, years that are full on blessings, and years that fall somewhere in between when we intentionally pull back a bit to re-evaluate, reassess the direction we are headed, and go deep within ourselves to ask:
Who am I NOW after all I have experienced?
And who am I now BECOMING as I move forward?
And that right there sums up 2023 for me, and I know from private conversations it's where many of you were as well.
When some of the questioning got tough, what got me through to where I now feel Fierce, On Fire + full of rapture again was no only being BRAVE enough to make the space for my own Heroine to come shining through, but being willing to access my full depth of POWER to make make magic out of every step.โฃ โฃ
Because no one is coming to save you- and that's not a bad thing
When you truly learn- without a shadow of a doubt- that no matter what- YOU always have YOUR OWN backโฆ
Fierce Ones that's when you can become truly unstoppable.
Not in that- all of a sudden everything is magically fixed or the challenges disappear or all your dreams come true, but when you truly trust yourself, trust your decisions, and trust in how you show up in the world, then nothing can break you.
And the confidence you exude will come from a place so deep within you that it can't be shaken. And your world will never be the same.
Sometimes making space for my Heroine Energy is a daily hard choice, sometimes it's simply a Devotion that guides me. โฃ
And in those moments when somehow I just can't find it, the power of one foot in front of the other always brings her out.โฃ โฃ
We've all been in a metaphorical pressure cooker for the past few years, am I right?โฃ โฃIt's taken courage, bravery & a whole lot of digging deep to find our inner Heroine to get through.โฃ โฃ
But the more you are Brave enough to see it through and realize that no- no one is coming to save you BUT you can absolutely save yourself, the more you can relish in the magic of life that rises up to meet you.