The Call, The Reckoning and the Space In-Between

Rivers of power flowing everywhere. Fields of magnetism relating everything. This is your origin. This is your lineage.

The current of creation is right here, coursing through subtle channels, animating this very form. Follow the gentle touch of life, soft as the footprint of an ant, as tiny sensations open to vastness.

Power sings as it flows, electrifies the organs of sensing, becomes liquid light, nourishes your entire being. Celebrate the boundary where streams join the sea, where body meets infinity. 

~ The Radiance Sutras, #44 by Lorin Roche, PhD

Hello Warrior,

For many years now I have been developing an entire system that outlines how we as women are walking the mythological journey of becoming the heroine's of our own lives. In many ways when I began to download the information contained in this system, I ran away from it- far. 

Or I'd trickle some of it out, and then hide. Or tell myself all sorts of stories about why I wasn't good enough to actually bring this message to the world fully. 

It mirrored what I had faced in finance over 10 years ago when I knew I needed to leave, but just couldn't bring myself to do so. 

And so I fought and fought The Call that I was hearing until one day, I just couldn't fight it anymore. And this is exactly what happened in the past year with bringing the message of the bigger journey we all are adventuring on out into the world. Which ripped me right into the swirl of a Worthiness Revolution like I wrote about several weeks ago here.

Since my post On Choosing Worthiness several weeks ago, I have received so many emails from women around the world in a similar space and wanting to know how to work with this energy- instead of being consumed by it.

In reading these emails I knew that the message I've heard all year of bringing my Heroine's Odyssey framework out of my paid programs and into free mediums such as here was my next step.

So today I am thrilled to truly begin that journey with you in Episode 3 of Worthiness Revolution Radio:

The Call, The Reckoning and The Space In-Between

This episode is so dear to my heart and fair warning- I BROUGHT IT. I don't say that often but what flowed through me in recording this brought tears to my eyes after listening to it.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! And if you want to download for yourself the free guide I referenced in the episode, please click Here.

In Liberation + Celebration,

My Fierce Feminine Story

 

Sacred Ash

This offering of

the deepest desires

to the Divine

is the biggest gift

the one that

actually matters

subtle

exquisite

intense beyond

belief

and the hardest

test of all.

But you needn’t

deny them

as they arise

They’re sacred

after all,

divinely human,

yet you fling them

like kindling

into Her fire

so they dance

and crackle

and snap

in Her

flames.

She does

what she will

She knows

every need

And You come

to love that

and to trust

~ Make Me Your Own: Poems to the Divine Beloved

By Tosha Silver

I often view my life as living poetry, so when I come across a poem such as this, my feet stop in their tracks and my heart skips a beat to the feeling of:

Someone else gets it. Someone else gets ME.

It's a feeling I've experienced over and over again in my life, and is the feeling that inspires me to share more with you of what the internal work has been that continues to lead me in my life. The predominant theme of which over much of my 37 years has been the acceptance of the Fierce Feminine within me- and all of the lessons she has taught me about my inherent worthiness.

When I look back on it now, it's crystal clear to me how all of the other outward manifestations of my success have been clear reflections of exactly this:

My days in finance where I was often the only woman at the boardroom table creating multi-million dollar contracts... and fighting the stigma that to rise to the top a woman had to be either promiscuous or a bitch- or both

Green Start Holistix which taught me how to empower others to heal themselves through the use of bodywork.

The Unbridled Life which focused on grabbing the reins of our lives, being in our power and setting our sights on the unlimited horizons full of potential- IF we had the courage to go there.

The Heroine's Odyssey which is all about claiming your freedom and being the heroine of your own story.

And so much more that I've never released or only revealed within my private programs. It's amazing to me how the more we step into alignment and do the inner work, the more clear we become in how we show up in the world. 

The problem- if you can call it that- is that to do so takes massive amounts of courage.

Why? Because when we choose to do the inner work, we also choose to make a change. To potentially have to walk away from things that feel safe, ruffle a few feathers, disappoint some people, and possibly even have to end relationships/ careers/ habits that had you feeling safe and comfortable.... but likely not fully happy.

For millennia the image of a strong, powerful woman who knows who she is and is in her power has been- how shall I say it- demonized. Literally and figuratively. In literature, mythology, social constructs and traditions, the idea of a fierce female has been- well- anything less than stellar.

And not just by men- the worst offenders of making it 'bad' for a woman to be in her full fierce sovereign power has often been other women.

Which is why when, at the beginning of 2017, it became clear to me that this message was the one I was meant to start discussing, I frankly ran away from it. But the thing is- we can never run away from the thing we are meant to do, and the more I hid, the more fiercely she came for me until I finally said a resounding YES deep in my heart.

I recorded a new Episode of Worthiness Revolution Radio about my own journey of the Fierce Feminine and how she ultimately led me to deep healing- and how I believe her message is needed now more than ever.

Hop on over to the podcast HERE to or on Apple Radio HERE to hear the episode. 

I would love to hear your thoughts and even your own journey with the Fierce Feminine- so please respond back and share.

And stay tuned- that big annoucement I promised last week is dropping tomorrow!

In Liberation + Celebration,

Jen

 

Introducing Worthiness Revolution Radio

At first I believed it was a problem with my body. 

So I went to the doctors and the shamans. And I healed my body.

Then I believed it was a problem with my men.

So I sought out the therapists and matchmakers. And I healed my relationship with men.

Then I believed it was a problem with my money.

So I went to the advisors and the lawyers. And I healed my relationship with money.

And then lo and behold, I believed it was a problem with my mind.

So I sat at the feet of the gurus and the teachers. And I healed my mind.

And wouldn't you know it, next I was convinced it was a problem with my business. 

So I hired the coaches and the strategists. And I healed my business.

And then damn it, I believed it was a problem with other women.

So I joined the sisterhoods and sat around the fires. And I healed the sister wound.

But around the circle I went, and again- I found myself believing it was a problem with my body.

So I….

And so the spiral continued. From problem to solution, from wound to grace, from healer to helper to expert.

Until- I couldn’t anymore. Until I had to stop and stare at myself, naked in a mirror, and see the truth.

See the worthiness.

See the revolution bursting from my soul begging to be seen. To be heard. To be shared.

This is my story, but it is also the story of every woman, every man, every human who walks this planet. For each of us the journey has appeared differently. But deep down inside, each of us are on our adventure to uncover the deepest secret of all:

That you are worthy. 

That I am worthy. 

That each and every one of us- is worthy.

In this day and age, it’s revolutionary to hold such a belief. 

Look around and you can see evidence on every corner that directly contradicts this, as well as evidence that exudes the gross characterization of- how shall I say it? Overcompensation for not fully believing this to be true.

So how do you own this revolutionary act of worthiness?

How do you walk the line of belief in your inherent worth while staying in alignment with what is true for you?

These questions and more are exactly what have been inspiring me through all of the shifts and changes occurring in my own life over the past 8 or 9 months. Some of which I wrote about a few weeks ago, yet there is still so much more to the story.

To open the conversation, I am THRILLED to announce that I have started a brand NEW podcast and Episode 1 is now LIVE.

My intention with this new podcast is to pick up where The Unbridled Podcast left off while infusing all of the depth and shifts that have occurred in my work in the past 2 years.

Episode 1: Revolution is now live and you can access it HERE or on iTunes by searching for 'Worthiness Revolution Radio'.

Stay tuned- I have a HUGE announcement coming in just a few days and a free Worthiness Bootcamp coming for you at the end of the month. 

If there is any lesson I've learned this year it's this:

Worthiness isn't earned. 

Worthiness is claimed.

And it's time each of us finds the courage to claim it.

In Liberation + Celebration,

P.S.
Enrollment in the Fierce Feminine Mastermind is still open!

We officially begin in September and journey through the year to help grow your business, navigate what feels in and out of alignment, getting totally in flow, and fiercely supporting each other as each woman RISES.

More details can be found HERE. In my heart I know that if you are reading this and you are ready, you'll know.  

Simply book below to speak with me to take your first steps of your own Worthiness Revolution- the fierce feminine way.

On Choosing Worthiness

Hello Warrior,

A few months ago, I almost closed the doors on my business for good.

I had the paperwork ready, was looking at opportunities in other industries, and found myself crying on the phone with my mom more times than I care to admit.

I had reached the rare point where the pain to continue as I had been operating felt greater than the pain to persevere. 

It wasn't one thing that led me to this place. In fact it wasn't even 5 or 10 things that led me to the mythical point of possible no return. No one to blame, no circumstance that caused it, no wound I could trace back to heal to turn things around. And it was beyond frustrating to have nothing but me, myself and I to figure it out. 

There was one thing though that kept me from closing the doors for good: My incredible, amazing clients and this community here.

A bigger why, a bigger message was tearing at the seams to come forward, and a slow realization that my messaging was changing began to emerge.... and everything that wanted to stay safe within me was revolting against the change.

Revolutions happen just this way:

A slow creep of discontent. A trickle of mini-deaths that slowly eat away at the soul. An ember that turns into a blaze that sparks a wildfire deep in the recesses of the heart.

Until eventually that fire becomes so painful we either need to be consumed by it, or learn to dance with it's flames.

On the night in question when I was ready to shut it all down, I had received an email- a client was going to be late on her payment, and I needed it to pay a large bill the next day. My big shiny new program that was supposed to be my winning ticket didn't do as well as I'd projected.

After a string of so-so performance on launches, my metaphorical well felt dry, and my spirit was questioning just how much faith was perhaps too much faith?

{Answer: too much faith is not even possible. If we feel like maybe it's too much, that's normally an indication we need even more}.

I had followed all the strategies- this time with every t crossed and i dotted. And it worked- just enough to keep me hooked into the system I had somehow found myself in.

But the Truth is, it wasn't a system I had chosen, but somehow had found myself in without even realizing it was happening. In fact, 9 years ago when I left my corporate finance job, I made three promises to myself:

1. I would never work Mondays again {because: freedom}

2. My mission is simple: To help others feel more ALIVE.

3. To always stay true to me, follow my own intuition, and to never follow 'the way things should be done'- above all other things.

And for the most part, this is exactly what I've done. Some Monday's I've worked because- well- sometimes we just need to. And my mission has remained more or less the same all these years, no matter the shiny brand it's attached to at the time.

But the staying true to my own intuition when evidence points to do things another way- that's been the hardest of them all. 

See when we start out on any adventure, we're all wide-eyed and ready for anything that comes our way. We take the risks, we make the leaps, we follow the whispers that take us exactly where we need to go, exactly when we need to be there.

And it's brilliant, and scary, and a wild fucking ride.

It's exactly how my business started out. I had no vision of being a coach or running an online lifestyle brand. I didn't even know they existed at the time!

Instead, I just knew that I wanted to help others feel better and live a life beyond what they thought was possible, and I was willing to do what it took to serve in that way. So I listened to the messages. I followed the signs. Signs that took me from yoga teacher trainings in San Francisco to retreats at Esalen, to more teacher trainings in LA and onwards to Bali- where my heart was blown wide open again and again and again. 

A four week trip turned into 7 months traveling across Southeast Asia, creating a real-life opportunity to follow my intuition with literally every single step I took {one of the first days there I didn't listen, and fell- HARD- splitting my hand open. That woke me up quick to the lesson at hand.} 

The only person I COULD trust on that trip was myself- and I was given a grand initiation into exactly that every single day.

When I returned to the United States, I was a changed woman. I knew myself. I knew what I wanted. I knew that I had a mission in the world and was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen. 

But what it took often felt like Herculean tasks. Living in a garage 'apartment'. Working 4 jobs while starting my business. Declaring bankruptcy. Starting at the bottom of the totem pole at studios, charging $30 for a massage, and more. Each step coming from a whisper, a deep knowing of:

Next this, now that, then on to this. 

But I did it, because... I had nothing to lose. And everything to gain.

I remember the night where I told friends in a study group that I knew I needed a larger apartment to up the ante on my private massage practice. I was clear. Within 12 hours, my landlord emailed me to say he was selling the house, and I had 30 days to move out.

I had no idea how I was going to pay for another place, had a brand new bankruptcy on my record, and didn't even have enough saved for a down-payment. All odds were NOT in my favor.

But deep down inside, I knew what I needed to do.

And I knew I was worthy enough to make it real.

And of course, I found exactly what I needed, had more than enough money to make it happen, and met an 88 year old landlord that became not only my saving grace, but a dear friend the 3 years I rented from her. 

Over the years this story repeats itself countless times. A clear knowing. A sign from the universe to move forward. A I-have-no-idea-how-I will-pay-for-this-and-pull-it-off moment. A leap of faith. A falling deeper into trust. A Rebirth. Expansion.

Rinse. Repeat.

But a funny thing started to happen. Imperceptible really.

As my business grew, as my mission expanded, as the bills got larger, as more of my dreams came true, THE STAKES GOT HIGHER.

The pressure was more intense. The risks became greater. No longer did they impact just me, but my family as well- my husband, my friends, the animals under my care, my clients, my brand.

Suddenly with so much more at stake- and ironically even more visible in the real world to prove it- the embodiment of my worth started to slip slowly downward.

It started with my wedding, strangely enough. The day where I felt more me, more powerful, more loved than any other time I could ever remember. At the ceremony I felt on top of the world {and we even played that song as we walked down the aisle}. At the reception I felt love emanating from everywhere in my being.

I was whole. I was loved. I was worthy.

But in the days that followed, I learned of things that had happened behind my back that day. I was confronted with triggered friends who made the day about them. I was faced with places where I had let my boundaries become weak that had consequences. I had to face the parts of me that still didn't believe I could 'Have it all."

And in the midst of this, I went from running a successful business based on faithfully following the whispers of my soul and knowings of my heart with nothing to lose, to all of a sudden having EVERYTHING to lose- and a deep fear around that becoming so.

It was so sneaky, so stealth, that I had no idea it was happening until the fateful night when I was 'this close' to shutting down the website and throwing it all away. And even that night, these words- this knowing- were not present. 

It was sneaky because, somewhere in the middle of 'Dreams Coming True' and 'Fear of Losing it All', I gave my power away to strategies, blueprints, and game plans. I had done it before over the years and course corrected quickly enough.

But the fear of losing everything became so great this time, the pace of the predator stalking behind me that could take it all away increased, and the tiny voice questioning if I was worthy of having it all became louder.

Worthy to have a successful business that also fulfilled me.

Worthy of being married to a wonderful man.

Worthy of my dream of owning a horse coming true.

Worthy of amazing friends who show up.

Worthy of living in my dream home in my dream town.

Worthy of an incredible family who supports me.

And so much more.

In the past I was great at letting those doubts remain quiet, but in the aftermath of a Rite of Passage that took me into the depths of Initiation, the voices became louder and louder. Until it became clear that not only was I succumbing to the almighty "I'm not Worthy" syndrome, but was operating my business out of alignment by listening to what 'the experts' I hired thought was best for me, instead of what I knew in my heart to be true.

So in some ways, I had to take a hard stop. I unfollowed all of the industry superstars. I left a group program for the first time in my career. I did not offer renewals to a few clients as their programs ended. I hid behind The Unbridled Life brand name to take the pressure off me.

I cried. And wept. And raged.

A lot.

I laughed when I received emails from peers that said 'It looks like you are thriving and SO busy lately' because well- it was the furthest thing from the truth. I had depleted my savings making my dreams come true the year before, and the coffers that were normally overflowing had not filled back up.

The irony: San Diego was in the midst of pouring rain for what felt like months on end, ending the drought that had plagued us for a decade- and here I was watching that endless rain feeling like my drought was just beginning.

And so the tears flowed like the rain. I heard of not one, not two, but at least FIVE women in the self-help/ coaching industry who committed suicide within a month. And I felt all of their grief and pain as I processed my own unraveling.  

Every month I prayed that all would be taken care of, and every month it was. Miraculously. Sometimes when the bills were due I had no idea how the payments cleared- almost as if angels had inserted just enough to make sure we were ok when we weren't looking. 

The guilt and shame became unbearable. Guilt at having it all. Shame that something obviously wasn't working all of a sudden after years of living so fully in the flow. Guilt to put my husband through this. Shame to even tell my friends- or oh my goodness the internet!- where I was.  

This afternoon I read an interview of Lucinda Chambers who has recently been fired by Vogue. In it she says,

"You’re not allowed to fail in fashion – especially in this age of social media, when everything is about leading a successful, amazing life. Nobody today is allowed to fail, instead the prospect causes anxiety and terror. But why can’t we celebrate failure? After all, it helps us grow and develop. I’m not ashamed of what happened to me."

Deep. Truth. To. The. Heart.

The crazy thing is- I hadn't actually failed. But somehow something in me felt like a failure, almost calling it in because how could it be possible to have all of my dreams come true? 

Finally I had to celebrate that part of me that felt so, and a boudoir photo shoot last week- part of the wedding package I took months to redeem- provided the venue for the party.

There was something about stripping down naked in front of a camera that helped me feel my full strength and power again. See my vulnerability as a strength. Stripdown all that I had to see once again that truly, there is never anything to lose.

And realize that even if we do fail at something, we still have our body to remind us that we are whole, we are free, we are Worthy.  

But as we know even when we feel free, failure {or even feelings of} can be like a bonfire that burns away all that no longer serves. And from the ashes rises the Phoenix who ushers in a new way of being, a new stage, a new light to shine.

From those ashes arose for me a realization that it's been time to tell this story, and introduce what has been birthed from the fires of my own rebirth.

And the truth is- during the few months I was in the thick of this, the only thing that kept me going was my clients- the sessions that brought me right back to myself. The intensives that reminded me that my mission is strong, and that I am changing lives daily. The words I wrote that if they rang true for even one person, kept me coming back day-after-day. 

It was my clients who kept me from giving up- and for those of you who are reading this, I am eternally, ever grateful for being teachers to me when I needed it most, even if you didn't know that's what you were doing. Thank you thank you thank you- More than you could ever possibly know.

Because it was this continuing to show up- when every metric of 'success' was telling me otherwise- that began to repair the leak in my soul that was draining my internal sense of worthiness faster than I could keep up myself.

Sometimes we need help.

Sometimes we need a lot of help.

And sometimes we need a motherfucking Revolution to get the job done.

And what it took was an absolute revolution- A Worthiness Revolution if you will- to turn this sinking ship around.

I won't get into the nitty-gritty in this post, but essentially this revolution was spearheaded by the Fierce Feminine within me.

The Fierce Feminine who introduced me to my power again in a whole new way.

The Fierce Feminine who showed me that motherhood shows up in a million different ways.  

The Fierce Feminine who gave me a channel to feel my rage.

The Fierce Feminine who taught me that unconditional love is just that- UNCONDITIONAL- and the softer we allow it, the more fierce the love can show up for us.

And the Fierce Feminine who forced me to take a hard look at an area where I WASN'T showing up, a dream I wasn't taking steps to fulfill, and held me down until I screamed mercy by committing to bring it to life. 

And that dream? The vision I've had for over 2 years now of running a high-level business mastermind about the way to do business from a place of embodiment, true power and flow.

So why was I holding back? Why did I feel so utterly Un-Worthy of bringing this dream to life?

Because my business story has not been a Cinderella story of meeting the right people, overnight success, massive launches or business besties.

My journey has been one of magic without a doubt. With that magic has come the alchemy of failure, of mistakes, of major triumphs, of visions coming true in miraculous ways- and so much more. And in that process, I've made close to a million dollars in revenue since starting at $25 a class teaching yoga. 

I know how to navigate both wild success AND massive failure- and I'm not afraid to keep putting one foot in front of the other day in and day out. I know that there will be peaks and valleys, and one successful launch does not a successful business make. 

But I know- one determined business owner can literally move mountains. And the more in her power she is- the more worthiness she embodies- the more unstoppable she becomes.

I've guided hundreds of entrepreneurs over the past 9 years in a private capacity to navigate their own journey with this, and now I'm ready to bring together a group of women who wish to navigate it all together.

It wasn't until I was ready to give it all up that I knew it was actually a time to go even deeper and finally pursue the dream that's been here for so long.

So today I am honored to announce my first Mastermind experience, the Fierce Feminine Mastermind.

A 12 month journey into the depths of your business, your soul and the art you wish to create in the world. Walking hand-in-hand with other women on the path who desire to do business YOUR way- without apologies.

The Fierce Feminine Mastermind consists of a VIP and Apprenticeship Level, quarterly retreats in San Diego, Private Mentoring plus Group Coaching, and so much more

We officially begin on the Lion's Gate of 8/8 and journey through the year to help grow your business, navigate what feels in and out of alignment, getting totally in flow, and fiercely support each other as each woman RISES.

I am limiting the first wave of the Fierce Feminine Mastermind to 11 women. More details can be found HERE. In my heart I know that if you are reading this and you are ready, you'll know.  

All you need to do is Apply below and I'll get back to you right away to set up a time to discuss. I have no idea how long these 11 spaces will remain open, or when I'll run another wave of the Fierce Feminine Mastermind.

What I do know is that I have never been so sure that this is the next step, and I've never felt so clearly the women who ready to join me. 

Simply apply below to take your first steps of your own Worthiness Revolution- the fierce feminine way.

Fill out my online form.
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Looking Forward

It's so tempting to look back at what has worked before to get clues as to what will work next.
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Especially when at a Crossroads. 
Especially when faced with a Leap of Faith.
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Especially when things are working juuuuuuust enough to keep you comfortable {kind of}, but no where close to what you know is possible.
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I know this temptation love, I know it so deep in my bones. .
To grip onto how it's always been.
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To keep the name, the program, the job, the connection... because it's safe. Because it won't force you to grow. Because you have no idea what may be on the other side.
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Me and this temptation, we've done this dance over the years. .
Hold on, or leap forward?
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Look back, or dare to gaze at what's possible?
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Stay stuck in how-things-should-be, or release the judgements that lurk beneath the surface? {They are there. They always are}
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But as I've come to face some of my own fierce truths, this dance has faced a revolution of sorts.
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A revolution of taking the risk.
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A revolution of letting things go.
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A revolution into wholeness.
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And a deeper revolution into worthiness.
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No more looking back for the answers. No more clinging to what used to work. No more holding on when the Leap is necessary.
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It takes some serious adventures into the depths of the heart, and some fierce devotion to the Truth- daily.
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And this Truth? When she's ready to speak, there's not much we can do to stop her.
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Where are you still looking to the past to find your way forward? Where might you need to be a bit more of an Adventurer in boldly going where you've never gone before?
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I'm opening up space to work with me 1:1 in a deep container once again, with a few new programs designed to reveal who you are becoming, step into your worthiness, and embody all of who you came here to be.
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Link to set up a time to speak to me in profile, or DM me to learn more.
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A revolution requires looking straight ahead & trusting your steps- just like the fierce warrior you know you already are 🔥

Boudoir

I've done a lot of photo shoots in the past few years- from headshots to fire dancing and beyond. Photo shoots have become a ritual for me- less about the actual photos and more about a chance to go deeper in my body & tap into new levels of personal power. 
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But the experience I had last night, my first boudoir shoot, was beyond empowering in it's demands to embody both the soft AND fierce within me. 
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Most brides choose to do this before the wedding to give their love as a gift the day of. I knew that timing wasn't right, and waited.
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The months following I went into a cocoon- which I hear is WAY more common than anyone talks about. I faced all the parts of me still screaming for independence. I gained weight. Then lost it. I came face-to-face with where my boundaries needed some major tightening- and had to do the hard things to do so.
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So boudoir- it was the last thing I wanted to do the past 8 months. 
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And I'm SO glad I waited. How great I feel in my body again, how clear I am, how deeper in love with my husband I am then ever before- all came together to create a magical experience.
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Whenever we go through a Rite of Passage, there is the time in-between no longer who we were and not yet who we are Becoming. The Rite itself serves as the catalyst, then there is the journey through this space. 
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At some point we get to be reborn into the new we've been Becoming- and I'm pretty sure last night, dressed in minimal lace and standing in fields at sunset, my own Rebirth into this new woman took place 🔥

Wild & Holy

All the words & speechless on this one. And kind of sums up exactly how this seemingly quiet on the outside/ massive shifts on the inside weekend felt.
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It's been 9 years since my training with Ana kicked off the adventure I'm still on today- a 28 day Immersion into all things wild & holy that started just 3 weeks after I left finance.
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For many years after I said it was the hardest thing I've EVER done, and that still rings true today. 
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But reflecting back I learned things that I still teach to this day, even if I'm not teaching yoga like I had planned.
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It was a combination I can only describe as: a bacchanalia of sweat that left me feeling torn to shreds, and the first time I began to put those pieces back together into a new version of wholeness. A whole new version of me.
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Sometimes the primal screams of release can be the most holy of sounds.
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Sometimes the depths of forgiveness can be the most holy of salves.
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Sometimes pushing the limits of the strength of our body can lead us to holy surrender. 
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And always, the basic truth of who we each are as an animal human being is the most holy Truth we can encounter.
🔥🔥🔥

A Return to Bali

#tbt to 8 years ago while living in Bali. This was the tail-end of living there, though at this point I didn't know that yet.
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Seven months in on an adventure I thought would be four weeks, I was utterly changed by the events, courses, people & experiences that I was guided to.
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My first real experience of surrender. My first real meeting with Grace. My first embodiment of the fire within me.
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Exactly 8 years from the day this picture was taken, I'll be getting on a flight to return to Bali- for the first time since I left.
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I went there to learn massage & heal a broken heart, and the 'plan' was the return to the US, take care of some business, the head right back to continue my studies.
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Well- I guess you could say I did that... but taking care of business was a lot more than I bargained for- in all the right ways. A few weeks later I met my now husband, started the first iteration of my now successful company, and in many ways
✨Grew into the woman this one right here was hoping she would become ✨
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This time I'll be heading back to the Island of the Gods to finally write my {first of many} book. All of my attempts to do it alone has stalled, and so I called in the help I need.
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Because we all need help along the way. 
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Sometimes help arrives as a seven month adventure to the depths of your soul. 
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Sometimes help arrives as a serendipitous retreat exactly when & where you need it
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Sometimes help arrives talking to the person in line with you at the coffee shop who says exactly what you need to hear.
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Sometimes help arrives as the healer or coach who sees you for who you are, who you are meant to become, and holds your hand along the way.
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Sometimes help arrives as a client who reflects back to you who you are in your fullest.
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And then sometimes help arrives in a billion other ways you'd never expect, but is always just what is needed.
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Part of me is terrified to go back to the place that tore me apart to put me back together. But all of me knows there is no better place in the world for me to finally put these words to paper that have been begging to pour forth.
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Two months and counting until a part of my soul returns back home 🔥

The Truth About Embodiment

“People say that what we are seeking is the meaning of life. I don’t think that is what we are seeking. I think what we are seeking is the experience of being ALIVE” ~ Joseph Campbell

Last week, I was on a call with a client and we got into a deep discussion about embodiment, as she had recently started her year-long journey in my Embody program. Having just decided to take things deeper, she was ecstatic about exploring just how much choosing embodiment will shift her life and her business.

After years of spiritual practice, transcendental experiences, mystical encounters and studying with the ‘gurus’, she’s been {quite frankly} fed up with living up in the clouds & struggling with all the pieces that make her ‘human’- food, money, career, body, relationships- and is finally ready to live HERE- in her body, on this earth. To still be able to have those spiritual experiences, but also live in the life of her choosing- able to pay her bills, be in a relationship, stand in her power.

SHE WANTS ALL IN. IN THIS LIFE. IN THIS BODY. IN THIS WORLD.

{Just like we all secretly desire}

By going All In, she is choosing to embrace one of the meanings of the word embody, which is to represent in human form. To bring the spiritual into your humanness. To be a human being, and also a spiritual being simultaneously. Fully integrated. Fully present. Fully alive.

Sounds amazing, right? The stuff dreams are made of, movies are written about, epic tales are passed on to convey. A utopia of sorts, where everything is perfect and easy simply by embodying your spiritual self.

At first, she was ALL IN and ready to get the metaphorical ‘party’ started. While I sat by and waited for the reality to set in of what this means…

{Because frankly, if this was really a party, then I would be working 24/7 just to handle every client who is ready to embark on the journey to embodiment with me.}

Then it happened. As we were discussing, the excitement of what embodiment means started to get eclipsed by fear.

Scratch that, not fear:

Absolute TERROR.

BECAUSE YOU SEE, THE ‘RISK’ IN LEADING A LIFE FULLY EMBODIED IS THAT YOU NO LONGER CAN HIDE FROM THE INTENSITY OF YOUR EXPERIENCES. 

You know you do it, we all do. Our ways of numbing what is happening so we don’t have to feel how big it really is. How much it hurts or even how really great it feels. By choosing not to be embodied, what we are really choosing is detachment and separation.

And it goes both ways. There are those who go all in on being human and ignore the spiritual. And there are those who choose to go all in on the spiritual, transcending what it means to be human in seeking enlightenment. To many, this is mutually exclusive. And in reality, having one without the other may feel easier or more pleasurable, but by choosing one or the other, it’s bypassing the whole freaking point of this experience.

Why can’t you have both? Why can’t you feel what it feels to be fully human, fully alive, fully experiencing everything the world has to offer, AND also be fully spiritual?

The answer is you can. And I can. Everyone can. You just have make one choice, over and over and over again:

TO CHOOSE TO EMBODY: THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING TRULY ALIVE IN THIS BODY AND SIMULTANEOUSLY OPEN TO THE DIVINE KNOWLEDGE WE ALL HAVE ACCESS TO– THUS BRINGING IT INTO ACTION HERE, THROUGH YOU.

But it can be downright terrifying when it happens. Why? Because then you have to

FEEL

EVERYTHING

Really feel the intensity of whatever experience you are in, no mater how painful or ecstatic is it, and be fully in it- no more hiding.

You see, the truth is that when you choose to be embodied, it doesn’t mean that life becomes perfect and everything all makes sense. Rather, choosing to become fully embodied means you are choosing to no longer hide, to no longer numb, to no longer go about life half-assed, wondering who will save you or fix you or do it all for you. Choosing to be embodied means you OWN IT.

All of it.

Fully.

All the messy. All the shadows. All the light. All of your talents, all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses. It means being courageous enough to ask for help and open enough to receive it. It means stepping into your calling in the world and trusting the odyssey it takes you on. Sometimes it means having to say NO, and other times being a full on, orgasmic YES- because you trust your body and her wisdom.

And at the end of the day, it means fully accepting every inch, nook and cranny of who you are, what you experience, and how you show up in the world.

You chose this life- this lifetime- for a reason. You chose the situations and circumstances you are in. And you- not anyone else- have the power to learn, grow and transform because of them.

This whole embodiment business isn’t easy- trust me. There are days I wish I could go back to the hiding, go back to numbing myself of the intensity of the feelings and the depth of the experiences. There are days I wish I didn’t remember who I am and where I came from, or curse the goddess for visiting me so much in my mystical encounters.

But then, I just look in the mirror and I see how amazing my life has been since I made this choice. How the terror and fear was all worth it for even just a moment, a glimmer, a glimpse of the opportunity to fully know myself and who I really am. And be able to bring that, fully, into my human experience.

Sure life was ‘easy’ before I stepped onto this path. But it was shallow, and boring, and I always felt I was missing a piece of myself. And then I spent years transcending the self, lost in meditation and yoga, sometimes forgetting to eat I was in such a detached state from my body. That wasn’t necessarily fun either (and frankly was a major force in losing it all).

BY CHOOSING TO BE EMBODIED, EACH OF YOU MAKES A CHOICE: TO BE HERE. NOW. AND TO INTEGRATE THE DIVINE ASPECTS OF YOURSELF INTO YOUR OWN UNIQUE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

Which sometimes looks awkward.

Sometimes it comes in the form of magic and miracles and divine winks from above that blow your heart wide open.

Sometimes it looks like crying in a ball on the kitchen floor as you feel the intensity of your emotions, sadness, pains and fears.

Sometimes it feels so ‘in the flow’ that life itself feels like a full blown orgasm every minute of the day.

Sometimes it’s being up all night, tossing and turning in a battle with the goddess when she challenges you to not only believe you are divine, but to also Embody Her. Accept Her. Honor Her. Protect Her. Own Her.

Sometimes it’s a soft whisper- when you are spent and done from fighting the entire experience- I surrender… I surrender… I surrender…

Sometimes it’s sitting in the park and laughing hysterically with all your friends and loved ones about just how epic this life is. And how truly glad you are that you had the courage to say YES, to go all in, to choose to be Embodied.

All of the which, are true stories. Sometimes playing out simultaneously. Always reminding me that yes- I am ALIVE.

So therein lies the truth about embodiment- when you make the choice to be All In, to be embodied, you make the choice to truly be alive and step into the destiny of what you are here on earth to do- no matter what that calls for, no matter what you might experience, no matter how good or bad it feels in the moment.

YOU KEEP GOING, YOU KEEP CHOOSING. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT’S ONE HELL OF A RIDE I WOULDN’T GIVE UP FOR ANYTHING.

I get emails daily from many of you hearing the call for this experience, and from several who hear the call, but are still not quite ready for the full Embody experience- yet.

FOR THOSE OF YOU READY, EMBODY: THE 1:1 PERSONAL ODYSSEY IS WAITING FOR YOU, AND I STILL HAVE A FEW SPACES LEFT IF YOU ARE READY TO COMMIT.

New Adventures

There comes a time when we get the opportunity to stop, take stock, integrate and begin living a whole new experience AFTER a vision comes to life.
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And in many ways, the 'getting there' is one adventure, but the LIVING there is a whole other journey.
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I've been calling this stage 'Worthiness Bootcamp': where we've stretched & grown so much, reach the destination, and then have to face the parts of ourselves who still, deep down, believe we don't deserve it- especially when it's finally right there in front of our face. 
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It shows up in a myriad of ways. Each unique, each with its own set of challenges. And almost as if all the strides one made previously to get there, then get reversed for a time.
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Or so it appears.
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But it hasn't reversed. Instead it's simply a whole new skin emerging. And often that final release of the old skin comes right after the visions manifest- and oh boy does the final let go hurt. Even if we are D O N E & ready to move on.
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And so we are called to pull back just a hair, integrate, feel our way around in the new skin- then get back on the road for the next leg of the journey. Or else risk turning right back around for good.
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It's why the snake has been such a powerful symbol in my own life the past several months- the manifestation, the subsequent release of that old skin, the drive to move forward into the new.
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Worthiness Bootcamp can be one of the most exhilarating & empowering experiences IF you allow the process at hand to unfold.
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So what might you be letting go of right now? What new skin might you be stepping into 🐍? What new adventure is beginning to take shape?

Sober Curious

| SOBER CURIOUS |
Today, I am one month sober.
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Or rather, it's been a month since the last hot summer night beer shared with my husband when we looked at each other & simultaneously felt- done. For now.
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I 1st heard this phrase #sobercurious a few months ago from @the_numinous & chills ran down my spine. It's been a quiet part of my journey & here was someone who GOT it.
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In 2007 I went to my 1st therapist. I was a fun loving 27 year old in San Francisco with an expense account & DJ friends. My first question to her was 'Do I have an alcohol problem?'. She said no- you have a career & friend problem that are entwined with alcohol.
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Thus began my journey to reclaim my life. I left the job. I left most of the friends. And I created a life that literally is made of my dreams.
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But alcohol still played in the background as something that felt more than casual.
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Last year I reached a turning point. After exploring 'medicines' in a spiritual context, in July I made a solid vow of no more. My visions are wild enough without the added help 😳 
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Do I regret my work with them in the past? No. But I'm clear they are no longer for me at this point in my life.
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But champagne, a good beer on a hot day, and a glass of red with a steak still found their way into my hands more often than I care to admit. 
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But I slowly started to feel the effects more- not in hangovers, but in more subtle ways that made me feel cut off. So I placed boundaries around it.
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Last year I brought this up to someone & her response was 'But champagne is part of your brand!! It's part of YOU'👆🏻
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This hit me, because it was the furthest thing from the Truth. It's not ME. And the fact that anyone saw it as that sounded the alarm on multiple fronts.
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But alas, this spring the turning point turned into a breaking point. And I knew we needed a break.
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And that break, has led to breakthrough after breakthrough- most notably the past 48 hours.
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Am I done forever? I frankly don't know. What I do know is I feel more ALIVE than I've ever felt, more clear in who I am, & stronger in my body.
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A rare glass of bubbly may still come around & now I know I can celebrate even that 🔥

Opening

| O P E N I N G |
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I don't have the words yet for how epic this morning & this day have been so far. If this #nofilter picture- of moments before I mounted- is any indication, it's clear there have been magical helpers all around.
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The words for what happened will come in time, but for now...
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To anyone struggling right now: next steps, nothing working, unexplainable fear, body pain, anxiety, relationship woes, things feeling unclear/ stuck - please know this-
✨ It WILL change
✨ Nothing lasts forever {even if it damn well feels it in the moment}
✨ There IS a light at the end of the tunnel
✨ Fiercely showing up for yourself- even when you really don't know how {or don't want to}- WORKS
✨ And your fears are the ticket to your freedom
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Then magically, you might wake up one day and all of a sudden the fear/ worry/ pain is gone. Your body is ready. Your heart is on board. And your mind quiets just enough to massively move forward.
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Oliver has been my teacher in this more than any guru or mentor has ever been. Nothing like being on a 1,500 lb powerhouse to put all my theories on fear & power to the test 😳
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But the key has not been him doing it for me, but teaching me how to do it for myself. He's guided the way, and I've taken the steps to get there. .
We need both to move forward- guidance AND willingness. Help AND an open heart. Compassion AND fierce devotion to our own expansion.
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Today I broke through a HUGE {somewhat irrational} fear in the saddle, and so I broke through in a huge thing in my work- lessons such as this go hand-in-hand.
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And so, I'm making some changes. .
The first of which being: as of July 1st, stand-alone sessions with me will no longer be available.
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I'm closing the doors to my wildly popular Open Session for good. If you've been on the fence or waiting for the right time- love- now is the time.
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You must book your session by 7/1 (though it can occur after if needed).
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For more info click link in comments 👇🏻
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Because seriously- I want for you the massive OPENING I experienced- yet again- for myself today. Because being fiercely devoted to opening- even when your boots are shaking- leads to Miracles. ✨ALWAYS✨